Surviving (Surrender 2)

“Oh my God, I’m such an idiot.”

“No baby you’re not. Let me finish. So after our set and that disastrous interview, I became acquainted with Mike Jacobs, but to me he was some tool hitting on you during our performance. So naturally I wanted to kill him until Jay explained who he was and then Mike explained he was a family friend. After we discussed a few things, we found out he fired his marketing rep because she didn’t share his vision. His vision is to have true talent and performance style. He doesn’t care who’s in my bed a night as long as I’m a true performer. He’s one of the few out there looking at the talent and the fact the band members don’t end up in jail or rehab. Seriously Rave, this guys all about the music and the right way to pave success. He’s small, but he’s got some big names coming to him. He signed Knight’s Dream in June, and they have an album in production now. Plans to release the title track are set for Labor Day.”

“He was always very ambitious. He comes from a good family that believed in hard work and faith. He was more Robbie’s friend than mine, but I still knew him pretty well. I’m glad at least Jay did that right by getting in touch with his label.”

I hear the sting in her voice when she mentions Jay but now is not the time to defend him. So I go on, “I agree with you. We did the first two weeks of performances and then Mike came to North Carolina to see us. We made a deal with him, and he agreed to represent us personally for a while. He’s not handing us off to any junior exec. When I sent you those messages from Charleston, we were in the studio recording. He’s still working on the music, but should have something for us to hear in a few days.”

“That’s amazing! I knew you could do it! How’d it feel?” She lights up for the first time since I met her off that plane. I can’t help the pride that swells in me. She really does know me better than anyone else.

Our food arrives, and the waiter refills our glasses. I drop my fork when she moans.

“Oh my God, this is the best steak I’ve ever had. You have to try it.” She cuts me a piece and reaches over for me to taste.

I don’t care if it tastes like cardboard; I want to hear her moan again. Her reaction makes me hard instantly and for the third time since she got off the plane I have to adjust myself.

She must realize what happened because she blushes and goes back to eating.

“Don’t you dare get embarrassed. That sound is what I dream of at night. If I can hear that on replay all day, it wouldn’t be enough.”

“I guess I got a little carried away. The food in Paris was great, but nothing compared to this.”

“T

ell me about Paris. I want to hear it all.”

“No, finish your story, what’s next? How did the summer tour go?”

“We have all day in the car tomorrow to talk about the tour. When Sayge meets with Mike, we’ll know more about what’s next. The Steamroom wants us back for at least one night a week, but we can’t commit until we talk to Mike and see what the best route is. I’m not sure we’re ready to go on tour again, but I think Ryan wants us to do a few shows with him this fall. We made some good money this summer so we can afford to take some time off, and I wrote some good stuff to start working on the music.”

“That’s awesome you were able to write with the busy schedule.” She looks at me hopeful.

I can’t lie to her, so I try to change the subject. “Your turn, tell me about Paris.”

She looks apprehensive but then looks me straight in the eyes. “Let me start before Bonnaroo. When I knew you made up your mind about the summer, I called my dad and asked for a job. He was suspicious and finally wore me down into telling him the situation. He told me about his friend that always needed summer help in France, and I begged him to get me an interview. After a phone call and a Skype interview, I was offered the position. I wanted to tell you so many times, but it never seemed right. You were so busy, and I was so hurt, I waited, but the right time never came. I’m so sorry I left after your performance and didn’t tell you.”

“I understand.”

“You do? Don’t you hate me? I ran. I gave up on us. I didn’t fight hard enough.” Her voice cracks and I pull her chair as close to mine as possible. Then I pick her up and put her in my lap.

“Shhh, I could never hate you. Rave, I’m the one who should be sorry. I was mad at first, but that was basically the hurt. You tried to tell me time and time again how you felt. You lived in agony for weeks preparing for me to leave, and I was too blind to see it. You didn’t give up; you gave in. You gave me freedom, to make my dreams come true, and I was stupid enough to let you think you weren’t a part of those dreams. But it’s over. You’ll never have to doubt me again. You ran because of me, and I spent the last eight weeks licking my wounds. I deserved the misery and emptiness. It brought a new light into my life. Nothing like this will ever happen again.”

“Dec, how can you be so sure? When you meet with Mike, things may escalate. He seems really good at his job. I have another year until I graduate. Who knows what comes next?”

“Mike is really good at his job and he also knows where I stand. So does everyone else. When you were gone, I realized I can’t live without you. You make me a better man.”

“I’m not good enough for you, Declan. My insecurities have surfaced. Sayge’s popularity is rising, and I won’t hold you back.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re not good enough for me? You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. Because of you, I became the man that leads a band MJ Labels wants to sign. I’m not going anywhere without you. If you’re not beside me in all this, I’ll pull back.”

“Don’t you dare! You can’t give up your dream and let the other guys down because of me.”

“Raven, why can’t I have both? Why can’t you stand beside me as my partner and I try to make this a success? Have you given up on us all together?”

She doesn’t say anything but lays her head on my shoulder. I run my hands along her arms and feel the goose bumps in the trail. There’s a sting of relief I still affect her this way.

“Yes, you can have it all, but I think we need to talk before you decide if you want me beside you at all.”

There it is. She wants to talk about Finn. I decided a while ago I didn’t want to know.