Surviving (Surrender 2)

Finn and I take advantage of the free time we have. We have done some light sightseeing, but make plans to venture out this weekend.

I try to keep my days and evenings filled up so my thoughts won’t linger on Declan. He has tried to contact me daily, but I have only returned a few messages and I never call him back. It is an easy excuse because of the time difference, but the truth is I’m scared. I miss him so much, and I regret my decision to keep my job location a secret. I’m a complete hypocrite. I told him I would fight for us and left him a goodbye note. I don’t regret my decision to leave, but I should have told him personally.

The only thing that makes sense to me now is to give him this time with his band to build and succeed. I plan on calling him next week when he gets to South Carolina because I know he’ll have seen MJ by then.

Our first three day weekend starts tomorrow, and I have planned each of our days. Finn has been incredible to me. He’s comforted me with the several breakdowns I’ve had and reminds me each day how special I am. We spend most of our time together, outside of work, unless we’re sleeping. He does as much as he can to keep my mind off things at home.

Finn accepted an invitation up to Jack’s main house tonight to watch some sporting event, but I decline. I have several things to catch up on, and I need to call my parents.

The first thing I do is log into Sayge’s Facebook page and perform my administrative duties. The only contact I’ve had with Jay in months was his plea to keep up the page. At first, I was shocked at his audacity but then after his fifth email explaining they hired Brent to upload photos and video, I sent him a one word reply, yes. So every few days I go into the system and accept friend request and record the likes. Jay emails me any updates to the tour schedule, and I change as needed. It’s a challenge in self-control because of all the pictures uploaded and tagged on a daily basis, but I refrain from reviewing the comments.

The next thing I do is call my parents. I catch my mom and dad getting ready for a late lunch at his office. I fill them in on our lives and tell my dad again how grateful I am for this opportunity. We chit chat for a few minutes before my mom gets a serious tone.

“Raven, I was serious about you calling Declan. Last time I saw him he was a mess. He explained some things to me you really need to hear.”

“Mama, I need a little more time. I’ll call him next week.”

“Okay, sweetie, we love you. Talk again soon. Give Finn our love.”

The next call I make is to Kendall and Harper. I set a hard limit on fifteen minutes with them. If not my entire summer salary will be used to pay my phone bill. They told me Charlie was out tonight so I sent her a quick text that we could catch up later in the weekend.

The last call I dread. Today is Ella’s twenty-first birthday. I dial her number and plan to leave a voice message when there isn’t an answer on the fourth ring. There’s a click and then his familiar voice. “Sparkle.”

*****

Finn

I don’t want to leave her alone tonight, but she insists I go. She wants to make some calls, and I think she wants some privacy. I know she agreed to still keep up a portion of the Sayge media sites, and I fucking hate it. Declan text and calls her every day but so far she has been strong. It bothers me that she didn’t exactly call things off with him when she left Nashville. She’s not wearing his ring anymore, which thrills me, but she didn’t tell me she broke her engagement either. This is something I need to find out soon.

Chapter 3

You Are Everything To Me

Raven

“Declan?” My voice sounds soft and my heart’s racing. I look at my phone to ensure I called Ella’s number.

“God I miss you. Your voice is like heaven to my ears. How are you?”

“I’m okay. Work is good. I have some time this weekend to visit around Paris. How are you?”

“I’ve been a hell of a lot better, but I don’t want to waste time. I need you to come home. Come home to me. I’m so fucking sorry for everything. I tried to tell you, but you had already gone. There are so many fucked up things that happened before and after you left, but I see clearly now. I can’t function without you.”

“Don’t–just don’t. I can’t handle this.” My voice breaks. I try to quiet my sobs, but he hears them.

“Don’t cry, beautiful. Please don’t cry. I love you so much; I can make this right again. I’ll come get you.”

I know he’s serious. “Declan, don’t you dare. This is what you want. This is what you deserve! Sayge needs this and I won’t be a part of you screwing it up. All of this is for you and the guys. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving, but you have to do what’s best now. We can talk when I get home.”

“You don’t get home for six fucking weeks! I can’t handle that. I need you with me. I’m not surviving without you. There’s so much I need to tell you.”

“Not now, Dec, I need this time. You almost broke me; I need this time to get my thoughts together about us. I need this break.”

“Break! You need a fucking break? Is that why Finn is there?”

Oh no, how does he know that Finn is with me? Not that I need to keep it a secret but he doesn’t need to worry about Finn and me right now. He needs to concentrate on this chance.

“Listen, I didn’t know Finn was coming with me but he has been a rock when I’ve needed him. You need to understand I have a job here and can’t come home because you’ve changed your mind. You need this time, too, to determine where you want me in your life. I told you I wasn’t going to be waiting in the wings, I told you what I wanted, and you ignored me! Now take this time to decide where I fit. Six weeks Declan, a lot can happen with you in the