I wait nervously by the window, watching for Robbie to pull up. He and Finn drive in at the same time and stand outside talking intensely for a few minutes. Finn shakes his head and slaps Robbie on the back. Before he goes inside, he catches my eye and holds the stare. His gaze turns soft.
My stomach rolls and twists with anxiety while I try to think of what to say. When Robbie walks in, he looks at me blankly.
“Can we talk?” My voice is weak.
“About what?”
“Us.”
He flinches at the word.
“Robbie, obviously I screwed up royally. There aren’t enough apologies to tell you how sorry I am. But this tension between us is about to destroy me. Please forgive me.”
“You’re forgiven.”
He says the words with no warmth to his tone.
“Do you mean that?”
“Yes, you want forgiveness, you have it. But this doesn’t change how I feel inside.”
“How do you feel?”
“Like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Like the darkness will never end. Like I’ll never know what it’s like to be happy again. That’s how I feel.” He sits on the couch, running his hands through his hair. “Ember, I think I understand why you did what you did. It’s been hard for me, but looking at it from your perspective makes sense. What I can’t get over is the violation of trust. All I ever wanted from you was for you to trust in me. Everything in my life was going great, but now, not so much.”
“What do you mean?”
“You, me, moving onto a life together. Building a future together.”
“We aren’t still going to do those things?”
Please, God, no! I knew he’d be upset, but please, don’t let him break up with me.
“I’m not sure.”
His words shatter my already fragile heart. I try to speak, but he pins me with his intense stare.
“I know my dad told you I’m taking some time off. Max, Finn, and me are taking a trip.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Week or two.”
I fall onto the chair and try to stop trembling.
“Do you want me gone when you get back?”
“I love you, Ember. That’s not the problem. Jesus Christ, I love you. But seeing you on the ground on that warehouse floor with that man on top of you sparked something deep inside. I’ve talked to my old counselor this week. We’ve come to the conclusion that I felt helpless. The nightmares are back.”
“Oh my God.”
“Yeah, but this time, it’s you I can’t get to. It’s driving me insane. The need to protect you is out of control. Your lack of trust is a trigger for me.”
“I do trust you. You have to understand.”
“That’s the thing. I think I do. This guy’s good, worked with a lot of PTSD military. He made me see the issues from your side. I truly believe you thought you had no options. A part of me is furious with myself because I couldn’t see what was going on around me. I’m trained to know when people are watching. It was his suggestion I take this trip. Try to clear my head and also bury the demons.”
“Will you tell me where you’re going?”