“Eggs and bacon’ll be right out, hon,” she said with a smile before scurrying off again.
I carefully set my mug down and picked up my fork, controlling the tremor in my hand as best I could.
Randy kept his voice low. “He already knew about the stuff with the CO people seizing the pills. He said that all you had to do was slide some of that stuff his way and he’d take care of you. You wouldn’t have to do any selling or anything like that. There’s no way you could get into trouble. I mean, they destroy the stuff anyway, right? So what difference does it make?”
I stayed silent, carefully cutting off pieces of pancake with my fork and bringing them to my mouth. The very act of chewing and swallowing seemed strangely exaggerated. “I’d get in trouble if I was caught taking the drugs,” I finally said.
“So don’t get caught!” he replied with a laugh, as if that solved everything. Then he cocked his head. “Angel, what’s the deal? You said yourself that they destroy the stuff. It’s not stealing from anyone who needs it. And you do need the money. What, you’re gonna live with your white trash loser dad for the rest of your life?”
“He’s not a white trash loser,” I snapped.
Stark disbelief filled his eyes. “Right. Y’all live in a fucking shack, he smacks you around, and he drinks all the time.” He took a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry I insulted your dad.” Then he spoiled the apology by rolling his eyes. “But you need to think about you. Clive’ll take care of all the hard work and give you half what he makes.”
I put my fork down. Suddenly the pancake didn’t taste so great. “And what do you get?”
Wary surprise flashed across his face, then he gave me a wry shrug and smile. “I get a small cut, too. I’m like the middleman, see? Since I’m hooking you two up and all.”
I gave a short nod. Maybe . . . maybe I wouldn’t have to be homeless. A weird relief filled me at the thought, and I suddenly realized how nervous I’d been at the thought of having to sleep in my car. Maybe I was being stupid and reckless to think that I could make it on my own. “How . . . .” I cleared my throat and tried again. “How much does he think he can get?”
Randy spread his hands. “That depends on what you can get him. But you know how much the stuff goes for on the street.” He tapped the table, leaning forward a bit more. “Babe, I’m thinking about you. You should too. Hell, this doesn’t have to be a long-term thing. Maybe for only a few weeks? In that time you could get more than you’d earn at the Coroner’s Office in a fucking year. Then you wouldn’t have to keep working there.” He chuckled. “And you wouldn’t smell like dead bodies anymore.”
His words were like a bucket of ice water. I took a shuddering breath. How could I even be considering this? I had everything to lose. Yeah, Randy was right. I needed to think about myself.
“I remember one time when another buddy of yours hooked me up with a really great deal.” I said. “I couldn’t lose. Remember? Five hundred bucks, and I got a car that was practically new.” I met his eyes with a hard gaze of my own. “Remember that? Remember me going to jail?”
He winced. “Yeah, well, that was fucked up. Everything that coulda gone wrong did.”
I shook my head. “No, the first thing that went wrong is that I believed something that was too good to be true.”
He let out an exaggerated breath. “Shit happens, but this—”
“No, Randy!” I interrupted. “Shit doesn’t just happen . Someone has to make a boneheaded decision first. And y’know what? I happen to like my job.”
Anger darkened his eyes. “Look, Angel, I’ve put up with a lot of your fucked up, neurotic shit over the years. I’ve given you crash space whenever you’ve wanted it, and listened to you whine about how your folks were so awful. You’re being pretty selfish here.”
“Selfish?” The word exploded from me. I was aware that people near us had turned to look, but I didn’t care. “Jesus, Randy, if I was caught, I’d go to jail! Did you even think about that?”
“Don’t give me that holier-than-thou crap,” he said, sneering. “Clive says you haven’t bought anything from him in almost two months. And there’s no way you went cold turkey and quit using. So I know you’ve been skimming those pills from work. What’s the deal? You’re already selling ’em on your own? You don’t want to give me a cut after everything I’ve fucking done for you?”
Fury seared through me, white and hot. “Don’t you ever fucking accuse me of that,” I said, voice low, intense. “I’ve never stolen anything from work, especially not drugs. I’m not using any more. I’m trying to turn my life around. Maybe you don’t understand that, but that’s not my problem, and I’m not going to let you drag me down anymore.”
Randy let out a harsh bark of laughter. “Me, drag you down? That’s rich. Man, you’ve become one hell of an arrogant little bitch. Oh yeah, you’re such a model of goddamn virtue. Is that why you went off and fucked that guy you met at Pillars the last time we were there? How much didja make off him?”
I stared at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”
His eyes narrowed. “When you left with that dickwad who’d been buying you drinks all night. I went out to see what the fuck was going on, and your drunk ass was all over him. You told me you wanted a good hard ride. And then the two of you peeled out in his Porsche.”
Bitter flashes of memory clicked into place. “I don’t remember much from that night . . . but I didn’t fuck him.”
He snorted. “Yeah, sure.”
I shook my head, feeling almost dizzy for an instant. “No,” I said, more memories suddenly crowding in. I hadn’t tried to walk home from the bar. “No, I was talking about his car. I’d never ridden in a Porsche before.” I dragged my eyes up to him. “You’re the one who’d been ignoring me all night for that other twit. He bought me a couple of drinks.” I stared at him as shock and betrayal surged through me. “I was falling down drunk, and you let me go off with him? Did you know him? Did I? It didn’t occur to you to watch out for me?”
Randy’s scowl deepened, but there was a flicker of shame in his eyes. “I thought you knew him,” he muttered. He was lying. He’d known perfectly well that I’d had no idea who the guy was.
I wrapped my hands around my mug. “I think you need to go, Randy,” I said, rather amazed at how calmly I was able to get the words out.
His brow creased in puzzlement. “Angel . . . ?”