“You saved me, Ryan,” I said softly.
He gave a jerky nod without looking up. “Zack told me that.” He took a ragged breath, then straightened. I could see him consciously regaining his composure, and after a few seconds he gave me a more normal Ryansmile. “Sorry.”
I cocked my head at him. “For saving me?”
He snorted. “You are such a dork. No, for being . . .”
“Human?”
“God forbid,” he muttered, shuddering in mock horror.
“Now who’s the dork?”
He grinned and fell to eating.
“I’ll be right back,” I said after a moment. “I need to talk to Zack.”
I found Zack on the porch, leaning against a post with his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee. I moved up to the post and leaned on the other side of it.
“So, Ryan had some sort of blackout, huh?”
“Moments of great stress will sometimes do that, I’ve heard,” he replied evenly.
“Uh-huh. Y’know, I asked you once if Ryan was a demon.”
“I told you then that he is not. Nothing has changed.”
I nodded. “Right. I get that. And I know you wouldn’t lie to me.” I pursed my lips. “My aunt said something strange to me the other day.”
I heard him take a sip of his coffee. “From what I gather, your aunt says many strange things.”
I gave him a chuckle. “True! But this time she was talking about demons and things that were and weren’t demonic, and vice versa,” I continued conversationally. “It didn’t make any sense at the time. But I think now it does. ‘The demons are not demonic, and the demonic are not demons.’ ”
Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I could feel Zack tense.
“Is Ryan a demonic lord?” I asked, pleased that the question came out calmly and smoothly, and that none of my inner turmoil had been revealed.
I felt his shudder. “Kara, I am oathbound,” he replied, barely above a whisper. “I cannot answer that.”
I pushed off the post, blood roaring in my ears as I walked back inside. “It’s all right, Zack. You just did.”
>I exhaled softly. “Wow. That was . . .” I trailed off.
Eilahn lifted her head and stood in a smooth motion. “Heartening? Enlightening?”
I gave a light shrug, unsettled at the strange twist of envy and longing in my gut. I’d been to the demon realm once, albeit only for a couple of minutes. But do I envy Michael because he gets to stay in the demon realm, or because he’ll be with Rhyzkahl?
I didn’t want to think about that right now.
“I was thinking ‘touchy feely bullshit,’ ” I said with a deliberately snarky grin, “but yeah, I’ll go with heartening and enlightening.” I headed for the stairs. “So, Eilahn, do you drink alcohol?”
Her low laugh told me all I needed to know.
Chapter 36
I picked at my pancakes and tried not to keep sneaking glances at Ryan. At least he looked like he’d been through hell. If he’d been acting perfectly fine and chipper, I’d have been completely freaked.
But, no, he seemed as normal as I could have expected. Or as normal as I’d ever known him to be.