She laughed and pulled me close, and we rocked in easy silence until the others called us in for dinner.
When evening came Tessa and Carl took their leave, and Jill and Zack went to the guest bedroom to take a nap. I found Ryan doing cleanup in the kitchen, took him by the hand and tugged him out to the front porch. He followed without question, but concern darkened his eyes.
I sat down on the steps, waited for him to do likewise. The night was cool and humid, and a mosquito buzzed nearby. “I have something I need to tell you.”
The worry on his face deepened. “What is it?”
I exhaled. He was not going to take this well. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that. “I have to go back.”
Ryan stared at me. “Are you insane?” He shook his head in denial. “Kara, you’re not going back there. Really, that’s crazy talk.”
Yep. That was about the reaction I expected. “I’m not safe here, Ryan. Not yet.” I met his eyes. “They’ll come after me, and come after the people I love.” The Szerain in him would understand that part. “Mzatal is training me.” I paused. “We’re working together.”
A liquid keenness touched his eyes. He drew breath to speak, then released it. “Shit.” He ran a hand through his hair and shifted. “There’s so much I don’t know. Tell me what happened.”
There seemed to be a faint difference in him. Or was I simply imagining it? Maybe it was pure delusion on my part, but I thought there was a touch more Szerain to him.
I gave him a quick and dirty rundown, not going into much detail on the parts that could possibly upset him, such as the torture. Or the bit about my profound connection—and really great sex—with Mzatal. I suspected Szerain would be pleased for me and completely unthreatened, but I wasn’t sure if Ryan would handle it as well, and I didn’t want to say anything that could hurt him.
And, holy shit, but it was weird to think of them as two separate people. Which they weren’t, I knew. Which made it even weirder.
I told him about the fight at Szerain’s palace, and how everything went to complete shit, and how I damn near destroyed the world. I debated telling him that the west tower was pretty much gone, taking with it Szerain’s studio, chambers, and all of his memories of humans and demons captured in sculpture—and decided against it. Nothing he could do about it submerged, and it would likely hurt like hell. “And then Tessa summoned me.”
Ryan let out a low whistle. “Wow, so when you left, every thing there was still falling apart?”
“It’s part of why I need to return. I chalked the patterns for the ritual and fed power into the storage diagram this morning,” I told him. “I’m going in a few hours.”
His brow still creased with worry, but he gave a slow nod. “It’s weird. When you first said it, I was like, fuck no. But now it feels like the right thing to do.” Then he frowned and gave me a sharp look. “Wait. How the hell will you get there?”
“I’m going to summon Mzatal,” I told him. And I knew without a doubt that I could.
I almost laughed at the shift of emotions on his face. Ryan seemed relatively nonplussed about that, but Szerain was surprised. “Summon Mzatal? On your own? As simple as that?”
I grinned. “Yeah. ’Cause I’m awesome.”
Ryan laughed. “Yeah, you are.” He shifted to face me. “I missed you,” he said, voice suddenly rough. “I was worried sick.”
“I missed you too,” I said, reaching for his hand to give it a squeeze. “I’m working out a system to send messages back and forth. I’ll probably have Tessa summon a particular demon periodically who could carry mail for us.” I gave him a rueful smile and shrug. “It’s better than nothing, I figure.”
“Wait.” Comprehension flared, and his eyes narrowed. “How long are you going for?”
I hesitated, grimacing. “I don’t know,” I told him. “Probably not until I do the shikvihr initiation, which could be about six months.” Or more, I added silently.
“Six months!” Shock and grief etched lines in his face. “Kara, you can’t be gone for six months. What about your job, and Tessa and…and everything?”
“And you,” I said quietly. Sighing, I dropped my head into my hands. “I—” My throat tightened. “I’m submitting a letter of resignation to the police department.” That had been the most difficult decision, but I knew I had no choice. At least this way I stood a chance of perhaps getting my job back someday. “And I’ve already talked to Tessa and Jill.” I didn’t have to tell him that the conversation we were having right now was me saying goodbye to him. He knew that.
“Wait.” I lifted my head and looked over at him, frowning. “Hasn’t anybody wondered where I’ve been for the past two months?”
Ryan gave me a faint smile. “Tessa covered that. She told everyone you had a family emergency and had to be away for a while.” He paused. “I also talked to your Sergeant, Cory Crawford. I filled him in since I figured it’d be easier to tie up all the loose ends with his help.”
I raised an eyebrow. “That must’ve been an interesting discussion.” Cory had found out about my arcane connections by accident, and had never really been able to wrap his head around the idea. He tolerated and accepted it, but it was damn clear he was never going to be comfortable with it.
Ryan gave a low chuckle. “He actually surprised me. He only had one pained look, and then…” He sobered. “He was worried about you. Like we all were.”
“I tried to get a message home, but it never worked out,” I said quietly. “But I promise I’ll keep in contact as often as possible this time.” I looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I wish I could do more. I don’t want to leave you, any of you,” I said, voice cracking. “But I don’t have a choice. If I stay here someone will come after me.” I pulled the collar of my sweater down and touched the sigils on my chest. “I’m a weaponized summoner. And they’re not going to let me roam freely.”
Ryan shifted to look down at my chest. He lifted a hand, touched the sigil near my throat with the tips of his fingers and went very still. For a brief instant his eyes flickered with ancient potency. Then he blinked, and they returned to normal. “Kara,” he murmured, fingers still on the sigil. “I am so sorry.” The words echoed in my mind, and I knew the sorrow came from Szerain.