“Angel, please. It’s me, not you. I’m sorry.”
I pivoted to face him, utterly bewildered and out of my depth. The uncertainty and craziness of the day seemed to crush the breath out of me, and the tears spilled over for real. “I don’t understand anything, and I keep doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing, and I’m scared to death here.” I swept a frantic gesture toward the city beyond the window. “I’m slowing everyone down. Now I’ve stepped into shit again with you—”
“Whoa whoa whoa,” Kyle said, thankfully putting an end to my word vomit. “Here. Sit down.”
I sank back to the sofa and bit my quivering lower lip. Why was I such a weenie?
A faint smile played on Kyle’s mouth. “This is about me, not you, remember?” The smile faded as he drew a deep breath and released it slowly. “Saberton and origins,” he said with a shake of his head. “Both hard topics for me.”
Wiping the tears away on my sleeve, I did my best to push down my own stupid insecurities. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s none of my business.”
“No, I don’t, and no, it’s not,” he said. He picked up a slice of pizza, took a bite, chewed and swallowed. “But things are different after these last couple of days. And since Brian . . .” As he said the name he hurled the slice of pizza back into the box. “He left. The fucker left. For Saberton.” His fist clenched, and he spat out the words, though his eyes reflected deep sadness.
“Yeah, it sucks. He fucked us all over. Why does that piss you off so extra much?”
Kyle remained quiet for an endless moment, then spoke softly, “He’s the one who turned me.”
That was not the answer I’d expected. “Oh,” I said as a delaying tactic while I tried to figure out a way to ask what happened without sounding super nosy. I gave up. “What happened?”
“I was dying,” he said, a new intensity in his voice. “So very close. And he turned me.”
“Um. That’s usually how it works,” I said. “Dying. Get turned. Become zombie. I’m sensing there’s more to the story.”
“You don’t always have to be dying,” he corrected with a shrug. “But I was. Saberton had about killed me with an experimental combat stimulant. It caused an aggressive lymphoma, and I was in the final stages.”
When he paused, I filled in, “And Brian saved you.” That didn’t sound like a bad thing to me. “I’m missing something, aren’t I?”
Kyle’s shoulders curled forward, and he looked away. “I didn’t want to be saved, Angel,” he said, voice low and shaking with emotion.
“You mean you didn’t want to become a zombie.” I totally got that.
“No, I didn’t want to live at all.”
That slowed me down. “Then why did he turn you?”
“He was under orders to recruit me.”
Speechless, I could only stare as I processed his words.
“Angel,” Kyle said, his voice tight. “I’d waited my whole life to die.”
I licked dry lips and found my voice. “I don’t understand.”
He brought his eyes back to mine. “Nobody does. Nobody.” Sad emptiness filled his posture, his eyes, his words; thick and cloying, it sucked me closer.
“Kyle. Give me a chance to try, okay?”
He didn’t speak for a moment. “Have you ever wanted to be dead?”
My gut clenched, and my fingers went cold. “Yeah,” I said, barely able to force the word out.
Kyle gave a little nod. “That was me as long as I can remember.”
I drew my legs up, wrapped my arms around them. “Why?”
He shook his head, eyes focused on nothing. “I never felt as if I belonged. Not anywhere. Not even in my own skin.” He leaned forward, planted his elbows on his knees. “I was ten years old, dreaming about leaving.”
“And when you finally were,” I said slowly, “Brian took it away from you.”