~ Toshi
Up to this point, I haven’t been able to talk to Clarissa alone at all. When I walk in and she is there, I have to admit my heart skips a beat. I hate what happened to her, I really do, and I know that the other guys probably don’t believe that, but I never want to see her hurt, even if I think she picked the wrong guy.
Kyle was okay for a human, nothing special, and he was easy to be around, except when he brought the spray bottle out. Either way, she has lost something vital to her, something I can only imagine how it felt to have. I can’t even fathom finding my mate brutally murdered the day we got hitched. My feelings haven’t changed for her, though, and I will still do anything for her.
We are on a plane to Brazil, ready to face down these ninja warriors. Next to me in the almost empty plane is Hiro, fast asleep, his head propped up on the wall. Everyone else is spread out, Theo having his own row for his big body, Penny following Sebastian around in the plane like it is musical chairs, and Clarissa, alone, at the front of the aisle, her beautiful dark hair shimmering in the sun coming through the windows. I unbuckle my belt and stand up, holding tightly to the seats. I’m not the biggest fan of flying, but that is understandable since I came with legs and arms, not wings.
Making my way up the plane to talk to her, I pause for a moment, feeling Sebastian’s dog eyes on the back of my neck. I smile and turn, searing him with my cat-like stare. He growls but I ignore him; there’s no space on a plane for a good fight. When I reach the row that Clarissa is in, I notice that she is awake, staring out the window, watching the clouds pass by, who knows what on her mind.
“May I sit?” I ask.
“Oh,” she says, not even realizing I am standing there. “Sure.”
“Thanks,” I reply, taking a seat and leaning my head back with a sigh.
“This is a long flight.” I pull my hand up and scratch my head, nervous almost to talk to her.
“It is,” she replies, “but I like the rest, gives me time to think about things.”
“So, I haven’t had a chance to talk to you since your rescue.” I chuckle nervously. “I guess things happened so quickly and the guys weren’t comfortable with letting me near you.”
“Yeah.” She laughs uncomfortably.
“I want things to be settled though. I want us to be okay.” My voice trembles slightly. “My heart burst for you when I foun
d out about what happened to Kyle, and I wanted to come jump in your window and wrap you in my arms, but I knew I shouldn’t. I knew you needed your space, and after everything that happened, I didn’t think it was right I barge back into your life.”
“I was better off left alone at that point,” she says. “I needed to sort things out in my head, and I didn’t need another person telling me that everything was going to be okay.”
I look down at her hand, and it is trembling. I want to take it in mine, to touch her skin again, but I can’t. I don’t want to make a move too fast. Slow and methodical is my way, and I need her to forgive me before I jump back in her lap. Cats tend to learn quickly when they get burned.
“I want to ask you for your forgiveness, in person,” I stutter out, seeing as saying I’m sorry isn’t really my thing. “I need to explain to you where my head was. I told you how I felt about you, and that never changes but at the time, with everyone vying for your attention, I was terrified to lose you. The doctor promised that he wanted to keep you safe, that we could be together, and he would make sure you had professional protection, not just three idiots trying to figure out how to keep you safe.
I believed him. I think more because I wanted to so badly than anything else. I put my faith in the wrong person, and it almost got you and everyone else killed.”
“I know you would never intentionally put me in harm’s way,” she says. “I know that you wanted to be with me and that you were scared you would lose me. But the thing is Toshi, Kyle was the one who had me from the beginning. I would have always been lost without him, and now I am.”
I look down at my hands, feeling the sting of that sentence. I know I’m not the one from the start, but a cat can hope. I have to give her space, after all, we are independent creatures, trying to get through life without losing too much.
“As far as your apology,” she says. “Of course, I forgive you. I wish things could go back to those carefree days in Japan,
hiking, sightseeing, drinking way too much beer and waking up in your weird hotel.”
I smile shaking my head. “They can, you know. We could make that happen in a heartbeat.”
“No, they can’t.” She sighs. “Life is too complicated now.”
“But it doesn’t have to be,” I turn toward her, reaching for her hands. “Run away with me. I am the best at hiding, and I will always protect you. I know it won’t be like it was with Kyle, but I care about you, and I will always make sure that you are safe and taken care of. We can roam the world, seeing everything, laughing, telling stories.”
“Aw, Toshi,” she says, looking over at me with a smile. “I wish it were that easy, but the fact is, I don’t want to live in safety. I want to live. I want everything that goes along with that. I would be trapped.”
I open my mouth to fight her on it, but the Captain comes over the speaker. It is crappy timing which seems to be my life lately. I can’t ever have a moment with Clarissa without someone interrupting it.
“I hope you are enjoying your flight with Feral Airlines. This is your Captain speaking,” he says over the speaker. “We are starting our descent into Guarulhos Airport so please put your tray tables in the upright position and flight attendants prepare for landing.”
I nod at Clarissa and smile, getting up and making my way back to my seat. I elbow Hiro to wake him and buckle my seatbelt. He rouses, looking at me and then out the window as the plane begins to lower toward the airport. It isn’t my moment. I can see that, and now I have to focus on the objective, getting information and getting out alive with Clarissa in tow.
THE SECOND FLIGHT FROM San Paulo to Manaus is by a separate smaller plane and doesn’t take that long. We are all ready to get off and stretch our legs though, even the sleeping bear in the back row. When the plane is landing, I can feel the adrenaline start to course through my veins. I wait until the fasten seatbelt sign is off and then stand, doing everything I can to keep myself from perching on the back of the chair.