He stares at me, not saying a word, and abruptly I realize what his steady gaze is trying to tell me. “Wait—are you telling me that’s why you won’t kiss me? Because it’s too intimate? What are you, Pretty Woman?”
His brow furrows. “What?”
“Julia Roberts?”
Still nothing.
Men. Honestly.
“Never mind,” I mutter. I start to reach a hand toward him, but pull it back. “Noah, I…Crap. I really don’t know what to say right now.”
“It’s like this,” he says, running a hand over the back of his neck. “And fuck if I don’t feel ridiculous saying this, but you know how I’ve been telling you all along that I’m not here to stay? That there can’t be anything between us?”
“No, not at all,” I deadpan. “You’ve been super subtle about it.”
His mouth lifts a little. “Well, let’s just say I’ve been needing to convince myself. It’s been a while since I’ve done this.”
“Sex?”
“Casual sex,” he clarifies. “I need to do it my way.”
“With no kissing.”
“Not with a girl who’s leaving in a couple of weeks, no.”
I freeze. “What makes you think I’m leaving?”
His face is solemn. “Movie premiere, right?”
Crap. “How did you know about that?”
“Google.”
“You’ve been Googling me?”
He lifts
two fingers with a small bit of space between them. Li’l bit.
I huff out an annoyed breath. “Well, that’s not fair. What if I Googled you?”
“Nothing worth seeing,” he says slowly. “But you are leaving in a few weeks, right?”
I want to tell him no. That I’m staying right here, and that he should absolutely kiss me senseless and watch Harry Potter movies with me, and that we should be making steak dinners together instead of eating frozen dinners alone.
But I can’t.
Because deep down I know I’m going to that movie premiere. Not because I have to, not because Barb will chew me out if I don’t, but because I want to.
I want to live my life to the fullest, milk my career for every ounce while I still can.
But I also want him. I want both. The guy and the career.
I want it all.
Even if I have to move in baby steps.
“I’m leaving in a couple of weeks,” I say, inching closer to him, my palm finding his knee and then moving up his thigh, feeling the muscle tense beneath my touch. “But I’m here now.”