Gage to Ellie: Strike what from the record?
Ellie to Gage: Excellent.
Gage to Ellie: But Ellie…
Ellie to Gage: ??
Gage to Ellie: Filming sex scenes REALLY isn’t what it’s like when you see the final movie. The lights are bright. There are fat dudes eating burritos staring dispassionately at your junk, which is covered by a sock. And it’s hot here, so they put deodorant EVERYWHERE.
Ellie to Gage: Everywhere?
Gage to Ellie: Everywhere.
Ellie to Gage: Annnnnnnnnd, I’m out.
Invitation Ceremony #12
EIGHT WEEKS LATER, DURING THE AIRING OF EPISODE 12 OF JILTED:
Dear Aria—
You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of Gage Barrett and his future bride on Saturday, May 21, at two o’clock in the afternoon. Dinner and dancing to follow.
*
The Runaway Groom on why he jilted Aria: “I hope Aria and I stay friends. She makes me laugh, and she’s damn good at pool. But I just didn’t see her as the one I wake up to when I’m eighty.”
*
Text message from Gage to Ellie: What, no commentary on why I sent Aria home?
Ellie to Gage: Um, okay…honestly?
Gage to Ellie: Always.
Ellie to Gage: I didn’t watch. Actually, I don’t think I’ll watch any of the rest of them.
Gage to Ellie: Ah.
Ellie to Gage: …? You realize there are about a dozen ways that single syllable can be interpreted, right?
Gage to Ellie: I get it. You don’t want to watch me mack on other women.
Ellie to Gage: “Mack on”? Actually, keep that up. Makes it easier to not mind in the least that you’re a few episodes away from getting married.
Gage to Ellie: Quit fishing.
Ellie to Gage: You’re really not going to tell me?
Gage to Ellie: Not my fault you were the only eliminated contestant not to show up for the finale. You signed the contract, so you remember just how cutthroat the “don’t discuss a single detail until the episode’s been released” provision is. It all but threatened to cut off my dick if I talk about the finale.
Ellie to Gage: But it’s meeeeeeeeee. They’ll never know. I won’t tell anyone, swear.
Gage to Ellie: Are you whining right now?
Ellie to Gage: Is it working?
Gage to Ellie: Not even a little bit. How’s business?