‘Do you think that’s likely?’ she derided.
‘I don’t know, do I! But I’m willing to give it a try. At least that way I would be able to see you. You would be there in the morning across the breakfast table from me, there waiting for me when I get in from work. The familiarity might help you—I’m certainly hoping so.’
Helen shook her head. ‘It wouldn’t work.’
‘You don’t know that!’ Leon turned on her angrily. ‘Surely it’s worth a try?’
She frowned her indecision. ‘I—I don’t know. It seems a strange idea to me.’
‘Can you think of a better one?’ he demanded harshl
y. ‘Well, can you?’
‘Forget we ever met?’ she said hopefully.
Leon took hold of her shoulders and shook her hard, his eyes blazing. ‘I don’t want to forget it, I can’t forget it! I promised you the last time I saw you that I wouldn’t make love to you until you asked me to, and I still won’t, but I have to have you near me. I just want to be with you,’ he groaned. ‘Is that too much to ask?’
Helen sighed her unease at the idea. ‘But what would I tell people? What would I tell Jenny?’
‘You tell Jenny the truth—she’ll understand, I’m sure of it. As for other people, the whole point of it would be that no one else would know. It would take the pressure off you, make it easier for you to relate to me.’
‘I don’t want to relate to you,’ she denied desperately.
His fingers bit painfully into the tender flesh of her arms. ‘Can you honestly say that’s still true? Do you enjoy being only half alive?’ he demanded.
‘I—’
‘Because that’s all you are, Helen,’ he insisted. ‘And while I’m wanting you like this, while I’m needing you so badly, I’m only half alive too. It may take weeks, months, but one day I would like to feel your naked body against mine, as eager for me as I am for you.’
Her face was scarlet. ‘Oh, Leon,’ she groaned, ‘you have no right to ask this of me.’
‘All I’m asking is that you give me a chance, that step by step we help you get over Mike West and what he did to you.’
‘By letting you make love to me,’ she said bitterly.
‘Not at first, and only when you want me to.’
‘But I may never want you to.’
‘That’s a risk I have to take,’ he rasped. ‘A risk I’m willing to take. The point is, are you?’
Helen moved away from him, wringing her hands together. ‘I don’t know. I—I can’t think.’ Not when he was so close to her, influencing her just by his presence here.
‘You don’t have to decide right now. I’ll be away another couple of weeks, you have until then to make your choice.’
‘Choice?’
‘Of living or dying.’
She flushed. ‘And in the meantime you’ll continue to see other women,’ she taunted to hide her hurt.
‘No, I won’t,’ he denied grimly. ‘What would be the use? They wouldn’t mean anything to me and I would only be using them. Until this last week I’ve always prided myself on the fact that I’ve never taken a woman just for the sake of it, that I’ve never slept with a woman I couldn’t happily spend the next day with. But twice in the last week I’ve woken up disgusted with myself, eager only to get away from the woman lying beside me. Not a pretty picture, is it?’ he said bitterly.
‘No,’ she agreed softly.
‘So you can see that by coming to live with me you’ll be doing me a favour. I didn’t enjoy resorting to those depths.’
’But won’t the fact that I’m living with you—won’t that make it more difficult for you?’ Helen asked uncomfortably, her face red. ‘I mean, I may only have that—one experience, but I’m not exactly stupid about the responses of a man’s body.’