The look of misery and self-loathing on Valen’s face stayed with Selena, even after the dreams had faded. She woke wondering if it had some basis in reality, or if she was just having nightmares because she felt so bad about how things were ending with the big Kindred.
But it was time to get ready for the gala now and afterwards, she was going straight back to the Mother Ship, never to see the big Kindred again. Selena supposed she would never know if her dreams had any truth to them because after today, Valen would be out of her life forever.
53
The gala should have been amazing.
There were so many things to see—so many musicians playing so many new and alien instruments that Selena had never seen before. At any other time she would have been wild with curiosity—though the violin was her first love, she adored new and interesting musical instruments. She wouldn’t be teaching orchestra, if that wasn’t the case.
But all she could think about was Valen. The big Kindred had been treating her coldly all day. He had helped her into a new harness and dress and taken her to the palace and the entire time he’d barely said five words to her. It seemed that this time his icy demeanor wasn’t going to crack. Seeing the coldness and distance in his eyes, Selena’s last hope of having anything permanent with him withered like a neglected flower.
He truly doesn’t want anything to do with me, she thought. Maybe I was imagining the connection between us—making it up to go along with my fantasies of having a Master who cared for me.
But Valen had made it abundantly clear he had no interest in being that for her—he just wanted her gone. Selena thought she had never felt more empty or alone.
When it was her turn to perform, she stood in the center of the Receiving Hall, where the gala was being held, and gripped her violin hard. The shiny black marble floor reflected her image back at her and the perimeter of the huge room was crowded with nobles and Royals with their double faces. The Emperor and his three Empresses were staring at her—Empress the Third was actually glaring—but Selena barely saw them. She looked only at Valen as she lifted her violin and started to play.
She’d had every intention of playing the fiendishly difficult Paganini Caprices, but when she drew her bow across the strings, what came out instead was Ashokan Farewell.
As the haunting melody filled the hall, all the murmuring and side-conversations stopped and all eyes were drawn to her. Selena barely noticed. She put all the love and loss and heartache she felt into each note, letting her violin sing for her, giving voice to the pain that was tearing her up inside. Her heart was breaking and though she couldn’t say it aloud, her music said it for her—said it so powerfully that the entire room was hushed and quiet as she played.
Drawing the bow across the strings, she held Valen’s eyes with her own—deep brown looking into piercing blue. And for just a moment, as the violin grieved her loss, she thought she saw the same look cross his face that she’d seen in her dream. That expression of self-loathing and misery so deep it seemed to echo her own pain. Then he looked away and stared at the floor, as though he couldn’t bear to meet her gaze anymore.
He didn’t look up for the remainder of the song.
When at the last mournful note of Ashokan Farewell soared slowly to an end and she put her instrument down, Selena’s eyes and cheeks were wet with tears she hadn’t realized she’d been crying. Her heart throbbed fiercely in her chest because this was a farewell. After today, she would never see Valen again.
She wondered if he even cared.
There was a breathless pause, and then the hall erupted in applause. The Emperor even stood from his golden throne and clapped for her, shouting out,
“We have never heard such music! So beautiful! So sad!”
But Valen only stood there. It seemed to Selena at first that he had been turned to stone—a stern and unfeeling statue. Then, at last he stirred himself and walked over to her.
“An excellent performance,” he said curtly. “And now I think it’s time for you to go. Are you ready to leave for the spaceport?”
He just can’t wait to get rid of me! Selena thought bitterly. Why am I wasting my time on the big jerk anyway?
Quickly, she swiped at her eyes and tried to look casual.
“Of course! I’m really ready to go home.”
“Come, then. Let’s make our farewells to the Emperor and then we’ll be on our way.”
Valen led her over to the throne, where the Emperor was still gushing about her performance.