I’m about to step inside the hospital room, but it feels like my feet are glued to the spot. I can see the bed, can see from the knees down that there’s someone under those blankets and right now I’m totally floored by all my swirling emotions about voluntarily approaching Jonah Steele.
After everything.
Everything.
I can’t even wrap my head around all of it.
How my kneejerk reaction led to so much.
How… if I reacted differently, things could’ve gone so differently.
“Vixen,” Jude says softly behind me and I turn my head.
“I’m comin’ in with you.”
I blink a couple times.
Jude looks angry. No, not just angry, he looks stressed. Jude never looks stressed out. Ever. But he does right now. We’ve barely spoken since leaving San Diego.
I’m so fucking numb right now.
“Not leavin’ your side right now, don’t give a fuck,” he grits out.
His words give me the courage to move forward. He’s at my side. I can do this.
I step inside and feel his heat at my back.
And there’s Jonah, sleeping. His shoulder is bandaged, but other than that, he looks like Jonah.
He’s tall, muscled, attractive. Dark hair and steel gray eyes, so fitting you’d think his last name is fake. Though I can’t see those eyes right now, obviously.
I have a flashback to us on the floor in his place, front of the fire, his fingers wandering over me, trying to give me goosebumps. Mischief in his eyes before he ran his fingers through my long blonde locks.
“Maybe we should come back,” I say softly to Jude behind me, but my words make Jonah stir and then he opens his eyes. There’s a flash of a wince, probably from his pain, but then a flash of something else when his eyes land on me and he takes me in.
More pain. Different pain.
“Lyss,” he breathes, looking at me, probably taking in the blue hair, the piercings, the tattoos.
And I stiffen. And my eyes fill up.
“I’m so sorry, Lyss.” He holds his hand out.
I stare at it and am about to take it, but Jude’s arm hooks around my middle before I can move.
I look over my shoulder at him and his eyes are glittering with something.
Jonah eyes him and swallows.
“Alyssa, please. Come here. Just sit down and let me talk to you for a minute.”
“Jude,” I whisper and detach his hand from my belly before moving forward.
I sit down on the chair beside the bed, keeping a few feet of distance.
“I’m sorry about everything. I shoulda told you. Shoulda told you.“ He swallows. “When Craig told me what happened the day I was supposed to come back… Fuck. Didn’t know he knew you were there at my place. I shouldn’t have kept all that from you, but we were still kinda new and… I’m sorry. I wanted to fix some family shit before I got into details with you and… I take full responsibility and obviously…” Jonah looks up at Jude and there’s a few beats of silence before he says, “I fucked up.”
I blow out a long breath.
This is surreal.
“I’m sorry I got you shot,” I whisper.
“I got me shot way more than you did.”
“If I’d known… I… Wade wouldn’t have gone after you.”
“Wade who?” Jonah asks.
“That’s enough detail for now,” Jude says.
Right. I still know so little about Jonah Steele. I don’t know if I ever even knew him at all.
Jonah shifts uncomfortably.
“You should rest,” I say.
“I want to… I… fuck, Lyss.” He looks frustrated.
“We have to go,” Jude says. “Craig knows how to reach her. Baby, c’mon.”
I stand up.
Jonah holds his hand out.
There’s loaded silence in this room.
I can’t take it. I shake my head and his hand flops to the bed as he looks at me with regret.
“Take care, Jonah. Get better. Sorry for your… loss.”
He closes his eyes and his lip curls as pain slashes across his features.
I leave the room.
Loss. Yeah. He lost his brother. The psycho. But it was still his brother.
Jude follows.
I walk out of the hospital with Jude and two cops following me. I say nothing. Tears just roll endlessly down my face. The cops drive us back to our hotel. I want to go home.
Home?
This city was home. Everything looks familiar, I know all the main streets, every neighborhood, all the best places to eat, to party, to shop.
And if this is really over, which I don’t know if I can trust that it is, can I blend my old life with my new one?
He sits beside me in the backseat of the cruiser, staring out the window, elbow leaned on the door, staring out the window.
His right hand rests on his thigh.
This place is a place I know, but this isn’t home.
Jude’s my home. My kitties are. My friendships.
I reach over and put my hand on top of his.
His eyes dart to mine. We stare.