“But to grow up in a society where everyone had a sibling but you… That’s kind of how I felt, growing up,” Sammi told him.

“Oh?” He frowned. “I thought you came from a big family.”

“I said my mother came from a big family. But she had fertility issues and in the end, she could only have me. I used to go to family reunions and play with all my cousins and wish I had a brother or sister like they all did.” Sammi sighed wistfully, remembering that deep longing and the painful jealousy she’d felt when she saw all of her cousins—not a single one of them an only child like she was.

Roark cocked an eyebrow at her.

“Is that what made you interested in infertility?”

“Well, yes—I guess it was.” Sammi nodded. “What about you?” She leaned across the table. “What made you interested in infertility?”

“Probably the fact that I’m infertile myself,” Roark remarked.

He said it so off-handedly that at fist Sammi thought she must have misunderstood him.

“I’m sorry, you’re what?” she asked, frowning.

“Infertile,” he said again, matter-of-factly. “To be exact, my sperm are nonviable—they have no motility. They cannot ‘swim’ to the egg, which renders me incapable of either bonding with a female or impregnating her.”

“But…But women don’t get pregnant every single time they have bonding sex, right?” Sammi objected.

“No, but it isn’t for lack of trying on the sperm’s part,” Roark said dryly. “I have studied the physiological mechanisms of bonding sex in every kind of Kindred and in every single case the seed of the Kindred warrior floods his female’s womb and the sperm seek for an egg. It’s a vital part of the process. Without it…” He shrugged again. “No bonding can occur.”

“That’s…” Sammi reached for a word but couldn’t find one. “That…”

“That is the reason my fiancé left me,” Roark finished for her, which was certainly not what she’d been expecting to hear.

“She did? What happened?” Sammi couldn’t help asking.

“I was unable to bond her to me or to give her the children she desired,” Roark said coolly. If he was hurt at all by the events in his past which he was revealing to her, he certainly didn’t show it. “So eventually we went our separate ways. It is doubtful whether we should have been together in the first place—I was only guessing when I asked her to go out with me the first time, because of course we hadn’t been Dream Sharing.”

“Dream Sharing? Sammi asked.

“When a Kindred—well, most kinds of Kindred—is meant to be with a woman, the two of them will start having dreams of each other before they meet,” Roark explained. “But Shadow Twins often are not able to share this kind of connection with their future mates. It’s a significant difference between us and all other kinds of Kindred—as is our tendency towards infertility.”

“I’m so sorry.” Sammi shook her head. “That was awful of your fiancée, leaving you for something you couldn’t control. I mean, the two of you could have adopted if she wanted kids so badly.”

“Not at all.” Roark shook his head. “Amanda was right to leave me. It wasn’t just about the lack of children—it was the lack of a bond which presented a problem. A relationship without a bond is no relationship at all. I could never have made her happy so it was better that she left to find a male who could.”

“I don’t understand how you can talk about it so coolly,” Sammi said, leaning towards him and putting a hand on his arm sympathetically. “It must have been a really painful experience.”

“It was a long time ago.” Roark took her hand, squeezed it briefly, and moved it pointedly back to the table. “It showed me that I had to concentrate on my work—since I was never going to be able to have a fulfilling relationship myself, I wanted to make sure others could. Though of course, the relationship I work to bring about is that of a mother and child and not a male and his mate.”

It was obvious to Sammi what he was doing. Roark was spelling out, in no uncertain terms, that he was permanently unavailable—that he had no interest in having any kind of a relationship with her other than the working one they had as boss and assistant.

Her heart gave a little flutter that ended in a thud. Despite telling herself that she had to be professional and couldn’t think romantic thoughts about her boss, she’d been thinking them anyway. His story, though, made it clear that he really didn’t see her as anything other than his assistant.

She knew how important to the Kindred the soul-bond they formed with their mate was. It gave them the ability to hear their mate’s thoughts and even feel her emotions. For a Kindred, a relationship without a bond was, as Roark had put it, no relationship at all.

Tags: Evangeline Anderson Science Fiction
Source: readsnovelonline.net