Out of the corner of my eye¸ I saw the table.
The very table that I had lain on months ago.
I remembered the cold metal of the instruments they hooked me up to, the slow steady beat of my heart on the monitor.
Kiersten stepped back from me, turning our kiss into a hug. Everyone clapped but my eyes were still on the table.
Angela had held my hand as I fell asleep.
Funny, because she held my hand during the surgery. I’d felt it. I had felt her warm palm, the imprint of the ring against my skin.
I could have lost my faith in that moment, instead I chose to believe that I couldn’t control the outcome and just trusted in the hand that was holding mine. Sometimes that’s all we have. A hand.
But most the time.
If we’re being completely honest with ourselves.
It’s all we really need.
My eyes flickered to the door. I could have sworn in that moment, I saw a nurse with blonde hair smiling, and then, as if I’d just imagined it, the figure disappeared.
My dad moved to stand in front of me, and pulled me in for a hug. “Your mom would have been so proud.”
I smiled and stared at the door. “Yeah. I know.
Chapter Seven
Our steps define us—whether they take us in the direction towards what we want the most—or away from what we love. Our entire lives are based on steps and stages. Funny thing, feet. You control them. –Kiersten Michels
Lisa
Wes and Kiersten made their way through the crowded hallway, hugging doctors, nurses, patients. It was like watching a really sad Hallmark commercial or something. Not that it was sad, more of a happy sad. My smile was frozen a bit on my face—actually it was starting to hurt…bad. I wondered how actors did it. How did they act happy when they were torn up inside? I would have been the worst actress on the planet.
Even as a model I hadn’t been that great, thus the reason for nobody really recognizing me when I moved up to Seattle. I’d dyed my hair and grown out of my lankiness into more of an athletic build. To a model—that was a curse. Muscle tone! Oh no! But for me? It was as if I had finally been given a gift from above. Finally, I was able to look in the mirror and see someone other than that girl from so many years ago.
“Hey!” Gabe wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “You look…off.”
“Ah…” I turned my head to meet his gaze and gave him a friendly pat on the chest. “Music to every girl’s ears.”
Gabe’s gaze narrowed. “What happened?”
The guy looked less haunted these days, as if he’d finally caught a break and was able to live a normal existence where he wasn’t always worrying about keeping his secret. That’s just what he didn’t need, more drama. I slung out from underneath his arm and penetrating gaze and shrugged. “I’m pregnant.”
“WHAT!” he roared.
I burst out laughing. Wow! I’d so needed that. Veins I didn’t even know existed popped up on Gabe’s forehead and neck. I took pity on him and winked “I’m kidding.”
“Hilarious.” He coughed a few times and then leaned over as though he had to catch his breath. “Never again Lisa, or swear I’m going to lock you up. Okay?”
“Um, okay?” I rubbed his back and winked at Saylor who was watching our exchange in amusement from her discussion with her mom over at the nurses’ station.
“So…” Gabe stood to his full height. “What’s really bothering you?”
“Nothing,” I lied, pasting a smile on my face. Everything was bothering me. Every damn thing. But it was stupid. I mean compared to everyone else’s drama, my little insecurity and inability to forget my shady past really wasn’t that big of a deal.
“Look…” Gabe lowered his voice and continued. “I know it’s hard, with Wes and Kiersten getting married, and me and Saylor…if you need to talk it’s totally fine and—”
“Holy crap, Gabe!” I smacked at him and stepped away. “Clearly I’m not acting like myself if you feel the need to go all therapist on my ass! Geez, I get that enough with Kiersten and Wes. Do you even realize how hard it is hanging out with those two constantly bugging me?”