Just the thought of my demons, of Taylor, caused my body to give an involuntary shudder.
“Are you cold?” Tristan shrugged out of his jacket and placed it on my shoulders. It smelled like him — and I felt safe again.
I glanced over, and my mouth went completely dry. His black button-up shirt fit every muscle and crevice of his body like a glove. Clearing my throat, I forced myself to look away, even though I wanted to do a few double-takes.
A black Tesla pulled up to the curb.
“That’s us.” Tristan caught the keys as the valet threw them in his direction and opened my door for me.
I was almost afraid to get in. One didn’t hang out with Gabe and Wes and not know cars. I’d always thought cars told you a lot about a person. And the fact that he drove something both expensive and environmentally friendly? Well honestly, it just screamed CEO and tree-hugger.
Soft leather seats cushioned every curve of my body as I leaned back against the headrest. The navigation turned on, and an old Jay Z song started playing in the background. I seriously wanted to laugh, but I was afraid I’d forgotten how, especially after tonight.
Gabe didn’t know about the rap
e when I was younger.
I wasn’t even sure if it was rape. I mean, is it rape when you’re in a sexual relationship with someone, and they still force you? Bile rose in my throat at Taylor’s words. I’d blocked it out, just like I tried to block him out, from the way his smile made me do anything to his smooth commands. I swore I’d never allow a guy to control me again. Not that way.
Unable to stop shivering, I clutched Tristan’s coat closer around my body as he silently drove through the city.
“Lisa,” he said, turning down the music. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Oh, yeah.” I tried to appear nonchalant. “I get attacked all the time. I’ve got the damsel-in-distress bit down pat.”
“Don’t.” He hissed. “Don’t make a joke out of something so serious. I’m asking you if you’re okay. I want a straight answer. No eye-rolling, no shrugging. Hell, if you shrug one more time, I won’t be responsible for my actions. Just tell me, are you okay? And is there anything I can do to make you feel better than you are right now?”
I chewed my lower lip as tears filled my eyes. “No. I’m not okay.”
“Lisa—”
“The first guy that’s interested me in a few years just so happens to be my professor. I don’t know who the hell he is, other than, apparently, he needs security and doesn’t actually work as a professor year round. Oh, and the best part? I got attacked by some creep who probably saw a picture of me in Victoria’s Secret and thought I was easy, so decided to hop on for a ride. So am I okay?” I laughed bitterly. “No, I’m not okay. I probably won’t ever be okay. There will never be a time in my life when I don’t wake up in the middle of the night freaked out that maybe someone’s in my room. And this probably won’t be the last time some creep thinks he has a right to grope me just because I made money taking my clothes off and walking down a runway. No, Tristan. I’m not okay.”
Except for the sound of the heat coming through the vents, the car was silent.
With a curse, Tristan made such an abrupt turn I almost banged my head against the door. He didn’t say anything, just drove like he was in a car chase with the cops. We went toward East Denny Street then followed it around to Madera Avenue. I knew the houses there were right by the water with killer views and ridiculously expensive zip codes.
The car pulled up to a modern-looking house with four stories. It had huge windows and the look of a beach house; you know, if a beach house cost a few million and had a security gate in front of it. When we pulled through the gates, he stopped the car and sighed.
“I can handle a lot of things…” Tristan glanced over at me. “…but knowing you’ll be scared tonight is not one of them. So, I’m going to show you to my guest room. I’m going to call Wes and Gabe, make sure they know you’re safe, and tomorrow I’ll take you back to school.”
“Would that be before or after class?” I tilted my head mockingly.
“Before.” He grinned. “You know how I feel about students being late.”
I nodded and broke eye contact. “Will you get fired because of me?”
“Of course not.” He shrugged it off completely. “Because, Lisa, there is no you and me… I don’t know how else to say it. You’re beautiful… but you’re not my beautiful.”
What did that mean? Rejection hit me square in the chest. It was hard to breathe, but I was able to nod, too embarrassed to argue my case, to throw myself across the console and explain to him that he made me want again, made me desire. That his kiss healed things I never knew had needed healing. But instead, I was brave.
I was so very tired of being that girl.
The brave girl who pretended like everything was fine.
All the while, the guilt and fear continued to pile onto my shoulders, making me slump under the pressure. I couldn’t help but feel like I deserved it. I’d had my part in the past, and now I was dealing with the consequences. Apparently, not being happy in any sort of relationship was one of them, because I highly doubted I’d have that same reaction with any other guy.
“Pajamas?” I asked, trying to distract myself from wallowing.