Ben is softer than Noah. His soul isn't as jaded and on guard as his. "I know you." I tap my hand against his chest. "I know what's inside of here. You're a good man."
His hand catches mine. "You don’t know how scared I was after Noah and Alexa were at my apartment that night."
I do know. I was just as scared. I'd already started falling for Ben at that point and Noah's pointed accusations had made me question everything I knew about him. If I would have listened to his angry words then, I never would be in Ben's bed now. "They were just trying to protect me."
"They care about you a lot. I saw it then."
There was no masking it that night. The heated words and the need to pull me out of Ben's apartment was evidence enough of how much both Alexa and Noah worried about my safety. "They thought they were protecting me."
"I'd never hurt you, " he says the words softly. They're completely unnecessary. I know, without question, that Ben would never do anything that would cause me harm. I have even more faith in that belief since Noah told me about what happened in his hospital room. I still feel my emotions running on high speed whenever I think about Ben standing in silence while his brother beat him.
"I know, Ben." I graze my lips over his chest. "I feel safer with you than I ever have before."
"I want you to always feel that, Kayla."
"I will, " I say it with every promise that the words hold. "I will."
Chapter 17
"There are things I need to tell Ben and Alexa before I get married."
I'm doing it again. I'm meeting Noah in a public place while trying to hide everything from the people I care about. If this is what it feels like to have an affair, I know that's never something I'm going to do. I already feel like shit keeping these meetings from Ben and Lex.
"What things?" I ask because I deserve to know. I've been following Noah through a confusing maze of discovery the past few weeks. I've listened as he's confessed to misjudging his brother and I've been witness to him breaking down from guilt or maybe just the weight of the hatred he's been carrying inside of him for more than a decade.
His eyes float past my face before they settle on some children racing towards a set of swings. We’re sitting on a bench at the edge of a park in Brooklyn. I had to deliver a package to a client for Vivian and Noah was doing a child's portrait in the neighborhood. Meeting here seemed like the logical thing to do.
"I should tell you about Sammy."
You should, Noah. You really fucking should.
"I've been wondering about her." That's not true. It's been more than wonder. I'd searched the alumni of Noah and Ben's high school website looking for anything I could find about a woman named Samantha or Sammy. Student records were protected and since it was obvious that she didn't play any sports or participate in any clubs, her name was nowhere to be found. More than once I was tempted to ask Ben about her, but I wanted to have something more substantial before I jumped into that conversation with him. Right now, my only place to navigate from is that she was Ben's first lover and Noah obviously knew her.
"Sammy was my girlfriend."
"What?" The volume of that one word is a clear reflection of what I'm feeling inside. Two women sitting on a bench near us crane their necks to see what I'm screaming about.
He looks down at me. "You're surprised."
What was your first clue, Noah?
"The Samantha Ben slept with that day was your girlfriend?"
"Technically she was my ex-girlfriend when they were together in the guesthouse." He takes a deep drink from the water bottle in his hand. "Or we were on the verge of breaking up."
I'm not sure how to respond. I'm slightly confused about why Ben left out that detail when he was telling me about that day. I can only assume that it's because he was embarrassed that he slept with a woman who was involved with his brother. "I had no idea."
"I met Sammy during my senior year of high school." He stares straight ahead. "She was a party girl. She was already in college. At the time she seemed out of my reach so I chased her until…"
"I understand," I cut him off. I don't want to hear it. I don't need to.
"We partied for weeks. We'd smoke weed and then spend hours at her place. She was a total freak."
I feel the muscles in my stomach knotting. "How did she end up with Ben?"
"Things between her and I started to fall apart right around graduation. She wanted me to take her to senior prom and I wouldn't." He pushes the water bottle against his thigh, smoothing out the fabric of his jeans. "I wouldn’t take her anywhere. I was embarrassed."
"Embarrassed of her?"