"I heard you tell him that he wasn't taking care of his kids."
"Jesus, Jessica." I run my fingers over her cheeks. "That was about him. He was gambling away everything. He wasn't taking care of his own children. Cassie was struggling to make it on her own with those two kids."
"Exactly." She pushes my hands away. "I haven't taken care of my own child either."
Trying to reason with her isn't going to work. There's no way in hell I could have known that she gave her child to its father when I said those things about Drew. "Jessica, listen to me."
"I'm listening," she says with little emotion. "I've always listened to you. I've watched you." She's on her feet now.
I pull myself up and sit on the edge of the bed. "What do you mean you've watched me?"
"I've watched you with your niece and nephew. I see how much you love them." She lowers herself next to me on the bed. "You would have loved her too, Nathan. You would have loved my daughter too."
Regret. It's there washing over her like a tidal wave. It's not just about the fact that she wishes she would have kept her child. It's more than that. It's about the family we could have already been.
"If I had her with me when we met, you would have loved her too, wouldn’t you?"
I can't lie to her. I promised her that when we first met. "Yes, Jessica. I would have loved her too."
She's back on her feet. I don't stop her as she races down the hallway, slamming the washroom door behind her.
Chapter 20
"I'd like to see the contract." I stand next to the bed. I'd gone to work in my home office while she was in the washroom. I know when Jessica needs space. I give it to her. I can't take that away from her.
She doesn't turn to look at me. "I have it somewhere. I guess I can find it."
"It's important." My leg twitches. I want to climb into the bed next to her. I want to wrap my arms and legs around her. I want to pull her into my chest and never let her go.
She flips over in one easy movement. "Why is it important?"
I'm not going to give her any false hope. Naturally, my mind jumped to the validity of the agreement. I need to know if she gave up all of her parental rights. I need to know if the contract she signed is legal and binding. I need to know if that little girl who is a part of the woman I love is happy in the home she's living in.
"Nathan, tell me why you need to see it."
"I'm a lawyer, Jessica." I slide under the sheet. "I have to look it over."
I see the defeat in her eyes. She was looking for something more. She has to know that even if there's a loophole that deems the agreement null and void that ripping a six-year-old child away from her family has far reaching consequences.
"I'll look for it tomorrow." She turns back around. "I haven't looked at it since I signed it."
I nod as I hold tightly to her body. "Thank you, Jessica."
"For what?" She cranes her neck to the side. "Why are you thanking me?"
"Thank you," I begin as I tap my hand against her chest. "Thank you for finally letting me in here."
***
"Pam," I say her name as if we've been friends for years. Based on the hug she gave me when she came barreling into my office earlier, it feels like we've known each other for a lifetime. "I'm very close to a settlement now."
"My grandfather would be happy." She clasps her hands together in her lap.
"He was a great guy," I offer. Since Mr. Wilkinson had died, I'd been fighting with Anthony Mercado's counsel to come to an agreement. I was glad for the distraction. Jessica had thrown herself full force back into her school work and her job at Axel NY. I knew that it was a coping tool. She was trying to drown out the knowledge that she's never had a relationship with her daughter. We've only spoken briefly about it once since that night. She explained in pained detail that her mother is constantly reminding her of how she stole her only grandchild away from her. Now, the emotional distance that I saw when I was in Bloomfield makes perfect sense.
"He spoke very highly of you, Mr. Moore."
"It's Nate," I offer. I don't want anyone to call me Nathan but Jessica. I love the way my name sounds when she says it. It fuels a part of me that I never knew existed until I met her. "That's hard to imagine, "I chuckle. "He never seemed very impressed with me."