Reuniting with my father wasn’t a movie of the week moment. My stepmom resented us. Which I kind of understood as we never met her until the day my father brought us to live with her. Neither Ricky nor I ever felt welcome. As soon as I graduated high school, I moved in with a school friend and got into the University of Illinois on an almost full-ride scholarship. I didn’t see my dad again for almost three years, until Jason’s funeral.
It was also there I saw my mother for the first time since my father took us away from her. I hadn’t been sure what to expect when I saw her. There was a little guilt at the satisfaction I felt of how pathetic she was as she begged for forgiveness for all the pain she put us through as kids. Ricky refused to acknowledge her, told me to ignore her, yet I hadn’t been able to.
Until I found out the only reason she was there was for money. She knew there were large benefits paid to families of survivors of soldiers killed while on active duty the way Jason had. Jason had his benefits split between Ricky and me fifty-fifty. Ricky hugged me and told me he couldn’t take staying in Chicago anymore. He was moving to California and hoped I would go with him. I couldn’t. I was one year away from graduating and had just started dating Eddie. My life was still in Chicago.
I left the funeral not expecting to see or hear from either of my parents again. It was a surprise when I got the call my mother was dying and begging to see me. Her liver was failing from alcoholism.
Even now, I’m not sure why I went. I was finally pregnant again after a fifth attempt at in vitro and losing my only previous pregnancy. At ten weeks, I was optimistic this pregnancy would last. I wanted to show her that my life was good. Instead, she ranted about Tony Sabatini and how different her life would have been if it hadn’t been for him. I couldn’t believe it. When we could have talked about so many other things, she was still harping on Tony Sabatini. And something that happened almost twenty years ago.
Yet gradually, I realized how right she was. How one thing had changed and affected her so deeply. At first, I still hadn’t believed it was all Tony Sabatini’s fault; he was just a man. Until I listened closer and it became clear that Tony Sabatini was a major player in the Outfit. His father and grandfather before him were key members, it was rumored one day he would have become Don.
Five years, he got five years on manslaughter charges. Manslaughter means he killed a man without malice and forethought. Tony Sabatini beat Michael to death, breaking more than fifteen bones in his body with his bare hands. Then when Michael was at the edge of death, he put a bullet in his stomach to make sure there was no way Michael could be saved.
How in the hell was that not malice?
My old hatred came back again. I agreed with my mother. Tony Sabatini deserved to pay for the pain he caused. Yet even as I said it, I knew I wasn’t the one to do anything about it. I told her what she needed to hear, to give her the peace she needed.
Three weeks later, I lost my baby. I went through the miscarriage without any idea where my husband was. For the last two years of our marriage, I rarely knew where he was. I cringe now at the way I put up with it for so long. Eddie hadn’t allowed me to have friends, saying he was all I needed. Ricky hasn’t called me in years, busy with his own life. Without Eddie, I was completely alone.
What shocked me out of my fog, was the message from my job. The hospital where I’d been a nurse for the last four years was telling me not to worry about coming back. They were sorry. However, I went over all my allotted time off without calling them. I was terminated. I couldn’t understand it. I put so much of myself into my job, it was my everything. How could they fire me?
I pleaded with Eddie to come home, needing him to tell me everything would be okay. He did, only to tell me it was long past time to divorce. Since I couldn’t have kids, he was done. His parents weren’t giving him any more money. I didn’t understand what he was talking about. Rolling his eyes, of course, I did. I had to know he only married me to make his parents happy because they liked me so much. And he got more money from his trust fund once he got married.
Logging into my computer for the first time in weeks to search for a divorce lawyer to make sense of the papers, there were dozens of alerts from my bank. I couldn’t believe it when I found out all my money was gone. We’d had a joint account and our own personal accounts. Eddie cleaned out the joint account then he managed to get into my two personal accounts and hadn’t even left a dollar in them.
The next day, a lawyer came by with an eviction notice from his parents who owned our home. I had three days to get out. They were willing to pay for movers, but nothing more. The tiny two-flat, a two-story house that had been converted into two apartments, that was all I could afford to rent in the South Side of Chicago was a long way away from the big house in Burr Ridge.
I hate the place is only three blocks a
way from the two-flat we were living in when my mother first met Danny. My first night here, I dreamed of my mother and the promise I made her and hadn’t kept.
Waking up, I railed against what my life had become. I was back in a crappy neighborhood in the same exact life I had grown up in. The one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t become, broke and poor and alone. I had become my mother. It was because I had broken my other promise—to myself. I was going to kill Tony Sabatini. If I kept my promise, then I would earn the things I deserved instead of just accepting whatever I got handed.
4
Christy
“Here?” From outside it seems almost boring. It’s a small shop with the windows closed off from eyes by white curtains. Black filigree lettering of Feminine Foundations is on the white sign by the door. Inside, I’m overwhelmed by lingerie that could only be described as decadent. Without a doubt it’s more expensive than anything I’ve ever purchased before. I don’t even have to check the prices. And it was one of those places where there weren’t price tags on anything.
“Yes, here. I had no idea you were so completely lacking in self-confidence and down on yourself. Like the name says, you feel sexy from the bottom up or in this case from feeling silk and lace against your skin.”
The woman behind the counter is gray-haired with a pixie cut to match her slight build and features. Her eyes are a steel gray and there is no word that fits her expression other than impish as she smiles knowingly at me. I can’t help but return her smile.
“Gertrude is amazing and will know exactly what you need. Gertrude, this is my best friend and she needs some help. We’re looking to catch the eye of Tony Sabatini and hold it.”
Her eyebrows go up as she smiles. “My goodness, Tony Sabatini. While it is easy to catch his eye, it’s the holding it that becomes the challenge. At least you are gifted in his favorite feature on a woman, a beautiful smile.”
Lisa laughs.
“Ah yes, I’ve heard the whole breast thing. However, as a true connoisseur of women, outer beauty alone will not hold him. He prefers his women to be well-read and enjoy the arts as much as he does. Tony appreciates all things of beauty. I’ve come across him often at the Art Institute on a quiet afternoon, his favorite rooms are the Impressionists. He has an extensive collection in his home, or so I’ve heard.”
Lisa straightens, as she frowns. “I didn’t know about the art thing. The books, yeah, with him owning a bookstore and everything.” She looks to me. “I didn’t think it would be a big deal. You were a huge book nerd when we were growing up. I figured you still would be.” She goes tense when she sees my own frown. “Aren’t you?”
“I used to be, but since I started working, life kind of took over. I can’t remember the last book I read. It’s been more than a few years since I managed to read anything for fun.” My stomach twists in worry. “I’ve read all the classics, pretty much. But I do love art, I’ve spent more hours than I can count at the Art Institute too.”
Unease fills me at the idea on some afternoon, I might have been in the Art Institute at the same time as Tony Sabatini. When things got stressful for me, I made my way to the Art Institute to be soothed by the beauty of the art—escaping into the vivid colors and brush strokes in front of me.
I had stopped reading as a means of escape because it annoyed Eddie to find me lost in a book. While there were times I missed it, having the ability to wander the creaking wooden boards in the large echoing rooms of the Art Institute was enough of a replacement for me.