His eyes narrow. “Okay.” With a kiss to Alicia’s cheek, he’s gone.
We wait for him to leave before Alicia sighs. “Can you believe Lydia told me I was too worried about being fat? I needed to stop comparing myself to the women Cesare used to fuck and quit harping on it?”
“That bitch!”
“Thank you! Okay, I know she’s plus-sized too but still, don’t tell me how to feel about being fat for the first time in front of a man who looks like Cesare, or any man. Undressing and being fat, with all the stretch marks and the dimples and yes, a fucking roll of fat, isn’t something I’m comfortable doing at home alone, never mind in front of a man. It’s really fucking awesome she has self-confidence, but not all of us are so lucky. All I heard around me was men don’t want fat chicks. If some guy expressed interest in me I immediately doubted him. What was wrong with him for wanting a fat chick like me? Because fat women don’t deserve to be happy. They didn’t earn their happiness by starving themselves or working out for two hours a day or counting every calorie so no you don’t get a nice guy, two kids, a dog and a house in the suburbs. You have to be happy with your cats and your tent clothes, no guy for you.”
“And if you’re lucky enough to have a guy willing to fuck you, then you need to give it up without hesitation or you’re a stuck-up bitch. I had a guy tell me once I would be lucky to be raped because I was so fat he couldn’t see a guy getting hard enough to fuck me.” I shudder as I remember the insult. It felt like I was being slapped across the face.
She nods as she slumps against the counter. “Yeah, be grateful a guy wants to fuck you. There were women who even told me hook a guy with sex and work on building a relationship after. No damn way, I get some women can separate sex from love, and more power to them, but I couldn’t. I had to have a level of trust, before I could share my body with someone. Some people might laugh or think being a virgin at thirty-one is stupid or unbelievable, but it’s a hell of a lot more common than people choose to believe. It was right for me and I don’t regret it for a minute, not any of it, even the bad things I went through with those other assholes. They helped me see I deserved better, and I got it with Cesare. I wouldn’t change a thing.”
I rest my chin on my hands. “I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, but I feel the same way about Dante. I feel like I could trust him with everything, all of me. All I wanted, in the beginning, was to lose my dreaded virgin status because it feels like an albatross sometimes. I planned it before I even left Iowa. I was going to find some nice, pleasant guy and get down to business. Then I met Dante.
“I don’t even know what happened. I can’t explain it. I’m not dumb—all I’ve heard for the last two years is what a manwhore Dante is. I also know Dante is the one who pumped the brakes and gave me all the reasons us being together is a bad idea. He hasn’t given in, yet. So right now there really is nothing to tell except I’m not giving up on him. I’m not blind to what might happen, but I’m going to focus on now and enjoy each day as it comes.”
Alicia studies me, then slowly she nods. “Okay. If Dante is what you want, then I’ll support whatever makes you happy. I’ll also do my best to prevent Cesare from breaking Dante’s pretty face when he finds out.”
I straighten. “Why in the world would Cesare hurt his own brother over me?”
She shrugs. “Cesare takes his responsibility to protect seriously. As far as he’s concerned, if a man is going to hurt you, he’s going to pay for it.”
“I’m not some little girl who can’t take care of myself.”
“It’s not that Cesare thinks you can’t take care of yourself, it’s that you’re important to him. For him it’s an issue of defending your honor from anyone who disrespected you.”
“That’s stupid. I don’t need him or anyone defending my honor. Cesare needs to mind his own business.”
Her laugh is soft. “That’s not how Cesare functions. Welcome to the family.”
I’m not sure this whole family thing is as appealing as it first sounded.
***
Bethany
It’s almost nine thirty by the time we leave Alicia’s and Cesare’s. Everyone is quiet, tired from all the talking and laughter, still full from dinner and dessert. Enzo says he’s going to fall asleep then promptly does before we even make it to the first stoplight.
“How does he do that?” I check and see he’s asleep.
Dante chuckles. “Some special forces trick. They have to grab sleep when and where they can. He can also come awake in a split second without being tired and without any caffeine needed.”
His voice is low, probably so as not to disturb Enzo. I match him. “I’m jealous, it takes me forever to fall asleep and two cups of coffee to form coherent sentences.”
“You and me both.” He’s quiet for almost a minute. “You told Alicia.”
“I didn’t blab, she figured it out. She knows me too well. I’m sorry. I also told her it was none of her business.”
“I’m guessing she wasn’t able to make you see sense? How you and me are a bad idea?”
“Nope. In fact she supports me. She was happy to see you were back to your old self again, happier than she’s seen you in a long time. She told me good job and good luck.” The butterflies in my stomach are becoming ginormous dragonflies, buzzing and sweeping around as I remember Alicia’s compliment while I helped her put Matteo down for bed. I had wondered yet been too afraid to assume it was because of me.
“Hmm.” He’s looking out the window. I hate not being able to see his face.
“Whatever. You keep saying this is a bad idea, but I’m not blind to the way you barely took your eyes off me tonight. You really doth protest too much, Dante Sabatini. It’s stupid. If no means no, then why the hell doesn’t yes me
an yes?”
“Jesus, Bethany, just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. There are consequences that have to be considered, damn it.”