“I’m looking forward to it,” Enzo assures her.
Holding Allegra, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. “Are you sure?”
“Hey, it’s not if I’m sure. This is about you. You’ve done everything you should to keep our daughter safe and get her here. If you don’t want to that is perfectly okay, she’ll be fine. What matters is you now. It’s going to take time for you to recover. Whatever you need to do that, I support.”
“Please don’t make me cry,” I mutter.
“I’m not trying to make you cry.” Enzo laughs as he sits next to me on the bed. His arm goes around me, pulling me against him.
***
Chloe
The next few weeks fly by. Allegra is a sweet, placid baby. With Nonna and Enzo jumping at the slightest noise she makes and both able to feed her, sometimes I feel unnecessary. Then there’s the way Enzo hovers over me, am I thirsty, am I hungry, do I want him to carry me downstairs, what do I want, what do I need? I’m happy, freaking ecstatic, but also deeply confused. I delivered his precious baby; why is he still acting like he cares about me and not a hundred percent focused on her like I thought he would be?
At one month Nonna announces it’s time for her to go back to Milan. She’ll settle all her affairs and be back in a few weeks. I’m overjoyed. I had no idea she was even considering the move. She assures me she couldn’t not, Enzo had been pressing her heavily over the last two weeks. Nonna couldn’t tell him no when he was so intent on making me happy. They found a small home only two blocks away, and he bought it a week ago.
Since Nonna is leaving we sit down to look at hiring a nanny. Enzo wants a live-in, there was a reason we added two bedrooms to the lowest level, after all. I’m not happy about someone living in except Enzo wants the nanny to cover the night feedings, from midnight to noon so he could work during the mornings without interruption. His questions are gentle about me going back to work, after my three months’ maternity leave are up. I tell him I haven’t changed my mind, even though half the time I’m not sure I could stand to be away from Allegra for an entire hour, let alone eight hours.
A week after Nonna has left I wake to find the bed empty. I haven’t woken up once to feed Allegra despite the baby monitor being on my side of the bed. Another piece of my heaven is how Enzo wraps his arms around me each night, making me feel safe and loved. I was so worried he would want to avoid me with sex off the table for at least six weeks. Enzo said the waiting made it better.
Padding out of our room, I can hear Enzo’s deep voice before I even step into the hall. “You are the prettiest baby in the entire world. Your mama and I agree, only being pretty isn’t all that, my love. Don’t let anyone tell you that. Beauty is from the inside out, like your mama. She’ll make sure you learn, I have no doubt about that. I’m going to tell you now, you’re going to thank me for picking her as your mama. True, there wasn’t much of a choice for me I was a goner the first time I saw her. It’s crazy, you go all these years sure you know everything, absolutely certain no one can tell you a damn thing, then you meet the love of your life and everything that came before her doesn’t matter, it all fades to nothing. All these plans you made go right out the window because all that matters is that person, them and no one and nothing else. I’ll tell you later when you can remember. I was so out of it, I asked her to marry me after knowing her six days. Hell, if I had gotten a ring sooner I would have asked her sooner.
“But your mama, she told me no. Broke my damn heart, she did. I get it, I did even then. I was thinking she’s nuts if she says yes, but I couldn’t not ask her.” I sway and clutch the doorframe. “She did the right thing at the time, made me slow my roll, forced me to give her the time she needed to accept I loved her, I needed her. I’m going to warn you right now, me and your mama, we aren’t the best at the whole love and romance thing. But that’s between adults, not for how much we love you, don’t ever worry about that. The other thing though, man, were we bad at it. But we’re getting better, we have the basics down and every day we keep trying. That’s what counts, that you never give up. Like Churchill said, if you’re going through hell, keep going. Ah, okay, Allegra, I’m going to need a burp out of you, my love.” He tucks her over his shoulder and croons low, “Fly Me to the Moon.”
Unable to stop crying, I go back to bed, trying desperately to stop before Enzo gets back. Even though it’s almost five minutes later when he comes into the room, I’m still crying. “Chloe, are you okay? What is it? Angel, you have to talk to me.”
I throw my arms around his neck. “I heard you talking to Allegra. I feel so stupid because I thought you didn’t love me and it was all about the baby. I’ve been so miserable, and I love you so much. I’m sorry I said no. I was terrified. You were such a jerk, yet I still loved you, and that scared me. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with you that you wanted me and yet were mean?”
Enzo squeezes me so tight I can’t breathe, and I don’t care. “I’m sorry, angel, so damn sorry. Falling in love with you wasn’t my finest moment. It scared me too. I told myself it was lust and it would die and to stay away from you but I couldn’t, you were in my blood. Then I held you in my arms and my world tilted on its axis, and I was reset to perfect but only when you were in my arms, when you touched me. You having so much power over me, it made me a fucker. I resented it, tried to get the power back, but it was too late. Then slowly I came to realize it was right, it was true. Because just like all I am belongs to you, you belong to me.”
I nod as I run my hand over his cheek. “I never wanted to belong to anyone but when I felt it, I knew it was supposed to be. There was no fighting it.”
He shifts me onto the bed, then bends down and reaches into his bedside table. I see the small box. “Okay, let me get it right this time. Chloe Hutchins, I fell for you the moment I saw you. I’m not the best man in the world, I’m not even the man you deserve, but I will try every day to make you feel like a princess, to make sure you know you have my whole heart and my very soul. I need you, Chloe. You’re my air, the blood that pumps through my veins. Please say you’re mine forever and always, the same wa
y I’m yours.”
Opening the box, he takes out the ring, the beautiful padparadscha ring he first asked me to marry him with. “Yes, Enzo Sabatini. I’m yours forever and always, not just for ten years.”
He laughs as he squeezes me tight. “That stupid bargain was a way of trying to keep control, to make you scream uncle first. I knew you weren’t going to say yes, but I hoped we could skip all the bullshit and it could just be you and me and that was all but we both, god we both had so much to work through. Even when you said yes. I was sure you would change your mind, that you didn’t love me, that you wanted the house and would take me if you had to. I was trying to protect myself from being hurt all over again.
“You deserved this ring a long time ago. I’ve carried it around wondering when was the right time to give it to you. Pauline told me to give it to you when you had the baby, but that felt all wrong. Because as much as I love our daughter, making you mine was never about her or kids or anything else but you.”
Running a hand over his chest, I nod. “I’m sorry I was petty and determined to make you be the one to give in first because I was trying to protect myself too. You were far braver than I was willing to be. I was trying to make you pay for hurting me even when I knew you were doing it in reaction to what I was doing. Communication; we’ll keep working on it every day, because I love you and being without you isn’t an option.”
“Every day,” he whispers against my lips. It’s a promise, a vow, one we seal with a kiss.
Epilogue
Chloe
“Why did you let me think I could make a cake? What kind of husband are you?” I mutter as yet another piece of the cake comes off while I’m trying to ice it.
“I’m a supportive, loving husband who also bought a backup cake.”
My head snaps up, he’s on the other side of the kitchen, he managed to get about a foot from where he was ten seconds ago. “You bought a backup cake? How could you? This is Allegra’s first birthday. Did you really think I couldn’t make my daughter a cake?”
He sighs. Before he even opens his mouth I blink then burst into laughter. “Oh, thank fucking god. I’m so happy. I’m sorry. Ignore me. Thank you for getting the cake.”