Her eyes filled with tears, and she set the phone in his hand.
“She’s growin’ up so fast. She’ll be a year old in a few weeks.”
She took his phone back and looked at more of the photos. Many were of the two of them together. “You’re good with her.”
“She’s my life.” This was the hardest part, he knew it was. He could pretend she wasn’t, but she was, and if Renie couldn’t live with that, there wasn’t any hope for them.
“I know she is.” She was going back through the pictures again, slower this time. “I can tell.”
“You left me because of her.”
“I left you because of you. I left you because of me. I wasn’t sure I could handle it. No, that’s not right. I knew I couldn’t handle it.”
“What about now? You still feelin’ the same way?”
It took her so damn long to answer him he thought he would jump out of his skin.
“I don’t know. You said it yourself. I’m different. I’ve spent more time with myself. I’ve gotten to know myself better. Part of that was seeing myself through someone else’s eyes.”
There it was, the knife in his heart that he’d been waiting for. There was someone else.
“Whose eyes?”
“That’s not important.”
“If it wasn’t important, you wouldn’t have said it.”
“A friend. Someone I met this summer. I went to work at a dude ranch. I’m sure Dottie told you.”
“She did, and I thought it was great. Was it fun?”
“Fun? It was a lot of hard work is what it was.”
“I bet ya had some fun though, didn’t ya?”
Yeah, she had. She had fun. She worked hard, and she didn’t spend every minute thinking about Billy Patterson, as she had every day of her life before she went to the ranch.
“I didn’t spend all my time thinking about you.”
“No? That’s good, right?”
“Right. It’s what I needed, Billy. I needed to get away from you for a while.”
“I wish it hadn’t been so far away from me. I missed you so damn much.”
“I missed you too, Billy. You already know that.” She stood and walked to the other side of the room. She turned and leaned back against the wall. “I’m not ready to be anyone’s mama, Billy.”
“Maybe you could get to know her a little bit, instead of thinkin’ you need to be her mama.”
“Isn’t that what you want though? Be honest, Billy. If you could have anything you wanted, would you pack me up and take me home with you? Marry me and keep me in your bed? Make me your baby’s mama?”
At one time, that might have been true. Back when he had no idea how to take care of a baby, or what it meant to be somebody’s father. It would’ve been real easy to lean on Renie that way. But, he was different now too. He didn’t let his own mother take care of Willow very often, just on rare occasions. In fact, he’d be willing to bet his parents would say they didn’t get enough time alone with their granddaughter.
“No, that wouldn’t be what I wanted, even if I could have things my way.”
“I’m sorry, Billy, but I don’t believe you.”
“Then let me prove it to you.”