He nodded, eyes closed. “The Raah dispatched her many years ago. I remember the pain all Shaddai felt at her loss when we received her dying message. She had long been quiet on the face of Earth, and we had been wondering what became of her — then the tragedy.”
I got to my feet, feeling unsteady, but I just couldn’t sit still any longer. “But how could my mother be an angel? Did she die? Come back down from heaven?”
Shant’s eyes caressed my face as if he wanted to offer me comfort and support as I struggled to understand all this. “Angels are not dead humans, Dutch. Angels are their own race, long-lived, even immortal, if not attacked or wounded too grievously.”
I wished he would come closer to me, and he seemed to hear my thoughts. He took a step, lifted his arms as if to reach out, then caught himself and moved back. My insides actually ached from wanting to touch him, like that would make everything real and OK and sane, like anything in my life would ever be completely sane again.
“Many angels did not return to the sky in older days, when the world of men and the world of Heaven separated,” he continued, gazing steadily at me and making heat rise all the way to my forehead. “We, my people, the Shaddai, it became our sacred duty to guard those gentle beings who remained on Earth, as best we could.”
So far, so good. I was getting it, even if I wasn’t having any success yet at understanding him, or luring him back into my arms. “Is it allowed, humans and angels, getting together?”
As soon as I asked the question, I realized how it sounded, then decided I didn’t care. I was so far past coherent, rational thoughts and actions, it wasn’t even funny.
“It’s outside the natural order, but it happens.” Shant’s gaze heated up even more, burning me like he was secretly one of those fire-monsters. “Attraction and love can be unexpected -and sudden. Love at first sight, as humans would say.”
No kidding.
He was coming towards me again, quietly closing in on me, and the glow from his skin eased to the brightness of a light, silvery candle flame. That stern-warrior persona slipped away, and I could see him as a man then.
A great big glowing man -
But a man.
God, what a man.
I had a sensation like melting into a puddle, but once more, he stopped, staying just out of my reach.
Is it OK to use God’s name, if I’m actually part angel?
I really am losing my mind.
“Unlike Shaddai and other races, angels are not outcast if they intermingle,” Shant said, as if suddenly remembering that little tidbit, and being pleased by it.
“And the fire-things?” I asked, more to keep myself from babbling or begging than anything else. “The Raah? What exactly are they?”
“The Raah: demons who once served the will of the creator, hunt angels for their own sport.” The lines of his face tightened, and he shifted back towards stern-warrior mode so fast I wanted to scream. “Which is why, for your own safety, I must summon you another protector from Amberd, to serve you through your time on Earth.”
My hands went to my hips, and I leaned forwards, not certain I heard him correctly. “Another protector? I thought you were the Shaddai bound to me.”
“I ... I cannot continue in that role.” Shant looked away from me. I couldn’t tell in the strange light rising off his skin, but I thought he might be blushing. “It wouldn’t be proper.”
“Why not?” I yelled, without feeling the least bit embarrassed.
My volume startled him, and he looked directly at me.
And I saw the answer in his face.
He wanted me.
My belly tied itself in a tight, hot knot.
For whatever reason, he thought his desire wasn’t OK.
But he wanted me.
Maybe Shaddai had oaths and ethics, like psychiatrists had about patients. Maybe there was some other reason, something deep and mystical, or even scary.
Right that second, I didn’t give a damn.