‘How long were you married?’ Natalie asked, slightly disturbed by his apparent nonchalance to the severing of vows that, to her mind, should never be taken lightly.
‘Three years.’
‘Any children?’
The hungry look swept back into his eyes, sharper, more intense than before. ‘None.’
Was that an intrinsic part of her attraction for Damien—her love for Ryan and her desire for another child? He had made no secret of his desire to be a father. It was a natural biological urge. Natalie certainly had no quarrel with it. She knew intuitively she would have little in common with a man who didn’t want a family. Damien wanted what she wanted. She breathed a sweet sigh of contentment. It was a relief to know there were no children hurt by his divorce.
‘Where is your ex-wife now?’ she asked, wondering if the past was completely cleared away for him.
‘She’s the feature editor for a national women’s magazine.’
He made it a simple factual statement, without any trace of judgemental opinion in his voice. Not that Natalie expected any from Damien over a woman’s career.
‘Are you on friendly terms?’
He toyed with his coffee-cup, then looked at Natalie in the most direct fashion. ‘Lyn was a lovely person. Later, she changed. I deeply regret what happened between us. It was unnecessary, ineffectual, and in a word...stupid. But it did happen.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude on something so private and personal...’
‘I rarely see Lyn any more,’ he continued, determined on answering the questions she had raised. ‘The difference between us was one of priorities. She now has a live-in relationship with a made-to-order television journalist. It seems to suit her. They’ve been together for a few years. On the surface they appear to be happy. If that’s what she wants...I’m content to let the matter rest.’
Two journalists involved in demanding careers, no time for children, Natalie thought. Everyone was entitled to their choice of lifestyle, and if being free and unencumbered suited them best, that was fair enough. Damien was right. He accepted the separation between himself and his wife and whatever pain he had suffered at the time of their divorce was long since gone.
Natalie wondered how she’d feel when she remembered her own marriage, then quickly shuffled the thought aside. She had no right to judge Damien on whatever hurt she had suffered through another man. She felt a strong surge of conviction that Damien was the right man for her, right in every way. She didn’t want her present opinions clouded by what was best forgotten.
She frowned over this last thought.
‘Something wrong?’ Damien asked.
‘It occurred to me that I might have a subconscious wish to block out my memory of Brett.’
He said nothing. His face tightened fractionally. His wife might be in the distant past but clearly the spectre of her husband stirred raw feelings.
‘Can you respond to me as I feel now?’ she appealed, wishing she had not reminded him of Brett.
‘What do you want?’
She laughed at herself. ‘I’m too tired to move, yet there’s a restless urge inside my mind. I feel I want to go somewhere but I’m not sure where it is or why I want to go there.’
‘Well, we could try looking for it tomorrow,’ he said obligingly, but she sensed his disappointment that she was not content to simply remain here with him.
She leaned forward impulsively, wanting him to know she cared, wanting him to understand, searching her mind to explain more clearly what she felt. ‘Let us go somewhere to
gether. Somewhere...to start afresh.’
The desire that flashed out at her was hot and urgent and barely controlled. She was suddenly, painfully aware of how sorely she had tried his patience, how frustrated he must be in still finding her elusive. A flush of guilt and shame pulsed into her cheeks and she looked away, struggling to justify her decision to follow her own instincts instead of considering his needs.
‘Whatever you want, Natalie,’ he conceded gruffly. ‘You are like a will-o-the-wisp...’
His voice trailed away. She understood perfectly what he meant. She could not afford to keep him waiting too long without running the risk of forfeiting everything. Her gaze flew back to his in apology.
‘It sounds so selfish after all you’ve done for me.’
He shook his head. ‘I did what I wanted to do. You owe me nothing.’
The self-mocking look in his eyes hurt. How many rejections had he suffered from her?