The Fatherhood Affair

‘When Brett undressed that night, the musky smell was unmistakable and pervasive. He explained it away, saying it was desire for me. I wanted to believe it...’

‘For God’s sake! Why not believe him? Why on earth would he want anyone else?’

‘No doubt it gave him a kick, a perverse pleasure, leaving you on Best Man duty while he lived dangerously. Thanks for looking after my bride, Damien. I’ll be having her for seconds. Is that what he said to you when he came back?’ Natalie couldn’t keep the scorn from her voice. ‘I married a creep who didn’t have one faithful bone in his body.’

‘You married a man with a serious problem. The way he was brought up by his father after his mother deserted them...it was an ingrained attitude, Natalie. He never learnt how to relate to women except in the most basic biological fashion. I thought once he had a wife...’

‘You saw him go with that woman. You helped him all the way.’

A flush of anger speared across Damien’s cheekbones. ‘I knew you meant more to him than any other woman who’d crossed his life. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t ask what he’d been doing, and he didn’t tell me. He was very attentive to you when he returned. I thought everything was all right.’

He sounded sincere. Passionately sincere. Natalie hesitated, wondering if she was doing him an injustice. Perhaps he hadn’t realised Brett had been using her in a game of one-upmanship with his best and oldest friend. Yet how couldn’t he know? The cruel game must have been going on for years...women, places, sporting activities, business...nothing was excluded.

Natalie wondered if Brett had deliberately kept her away from any contact with Damien while he courted her, always flying up to Noosa, never asking her to visit him in Sydney. Was getting himself a wife some kind of coup over Damien, who had lost his through divorce? Or had Brett been ensuring there was no competition over the woman he had chosen to marry?

The first time she and Damien had laid eyes on each other was in the church, moments before the marriage ceremony had begun. She remembered thinking what a contrast they were, Brett with his golden good looks and sky-blue eyes, his best friend darkly handsome, thick black lashes shadowing deeply set eyes. They had looked so striking, standing together. Then Brett had smiled at her, a bright dazzling smile, and Natalie had forgotten the man at his side.

She didn’t know then she would be endlessly reminded of Damien throughout her honeymoon, that he was ever-present in Brett’s psyche, dominating what should have been an exclusive sharing with her.

‘I wasn’t enough for Brett,’ Natalie stated bluntly. ‘Apart from whatever he did with Rhoda Jennings, we were no sooner here than he started eyeing the wife of another guest, playing up to her, openly flirting. He had to be the king-pin, organising outings, making each night a party. And your name was a constant accompaniment to everything that pleased him. Damien will be green with envy when I tell him about this. Damien, Damien, Damien...’

Her eyes flashed intense bitterness. ‘You were more important to him than I was. Everything was more important to him than I was. It was as though he had won a cast-iron possession so he didn’t have to work at giving me his undivided attention any more.’

‘I’m not clairvoyant, Natalie. When I saw you walking up the aisle to Brett, I thought him a very lucky man. I thought he’d appreciate his luck.’

‘So you helped his luck along,’ she mocked. ‘Was it a score to you when you told him you’d saved his marriage from being over before it started?’

‘I’ve explained why I did what I did,’ he snapped.

‘But you called my honeymoon with Brett wretched, Damien. How would you know it was wretched if you truly believed everything was all right between me and Brett? Brett would never have told you it was wretched, and I would never have admitted it. Especially not to you.’

‘No, your loyalty to Brett was absolute,’ Damien retorted savagely. ‘You never admitted anything. You shut me out as though I were a leper.’

‘So how did you know?’ she challenged.

‘Your honeymoon...your honeymoon with Brett...was wretched for me, Natalie.’

The pain in his eyes stabbed her into silence. She had been so focused on what had happened between her and Brett that she hadn’t considered Damien’s feelings about their marriage.

‘Because Brett had beaten you?’ she asked.

His mouth twisted in disagreement. ‘There was no contest in my mind. You had chosen him. You were my best friend’s wife. I had to accept that. But I couldn’t help wishing I’d found you first. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking of you...with him...wondering if it was good...and wishing it were me.’

The passion in his voice shattered the defences she had raised, yet still she felt the need to clear the tangle of doubts in her mind.

‘Did you t

hink you might get what you wanted without my remembering? Was that it, Damien? You decided to risk staying at Merlinmist to fulfil what you couldn’t have before?’

‘It was your choice, Natalie. I acquiesced. I didn’t like what was happening.’

He turned aside, scooped up his shirt, and pulled it on. He picked up his shoes and socks, sat down in the closest armchair and proceeded to finish dressing himself, doggedly ignoring her presence although the tension between them was palpable.

‘I asked you what Merlinmist meant to you. You should have told me,’ she fired at him, angered by his dismissal, and the truth contained in it.

‘I didn’t want to remind you.’ He stood up, his eyes glittering resentment. ‘Why the hell should I remind you of what Brett did to you? What he did. Not me. I never did one damned thing to hurt you. Ever!’

‘You went along with my choice of staying here, knowing it might hurt me,’ she returned hotly.