The joy my ex tried to rip from me.
Just as Lanie and I were sitting down for lunch, the door to the cabin flew open. Brian came walking into the house, his coat pulled tight and his nose red from the cold. He stood strong and tall but came in silent and distant. He passed right by the kitchen table and headed for his room, then closed the door behind him.
He didn’t even say “hi” to Lanie.
“Uncle Bwian?” Lanie asked.
I could hear the sadness in her voice as her eyes filled with tears.
“Hey, hey, hey. None of those, okay?” I asked. “How about this? You eat your soup then set up your tea party, and once the party’s set up, both Uncle Brian and I will join you for it.”
“Really?” she asked, sniffling.
“Really.” I kissed Lanie’s forehead, trying to comfort the little girl in her time of need. I wasn’t sure what had plagued Brian on his walk, but this was taking it too far. He couldn’t let whatever was bothering him affect Lanie and ignoring her as he’d walked in was doing just that.
Which meant I had to intervene.
“I’ll be right back,” I said.
“Okay, Amana.”
. I walked down to Brian’s room and knocked but got no response. I knocked again before I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for Brian to open his bedroom door. But when he didn’t, I slipped in and found him sitting on the edge of his bed.
“You can go home,” he said.
His words stopped me in my tracks.
“What?” I asked.
“You can go home.”
He was gazing down at his hands as he clamped them between his legs.
“I’m not here to talk about that right now. Lanie’s out there crying because you walked right past her. She sees your distress. Talk to me, Brian, because Lanie’s catching on and we told one another we’d keep this from her,” I said.
“There’s nothing to keep. Everything’s fine. I’ll be out there in a second to relieve you.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me,” I said.
His eyes slowly panned over toward me, and they were filled with something I’d never seen before. His deep blue eyes were a mixture of confused and wary, and where I usually saw confidence, I found questions instead. Unasked questions with answers he would never get unless he sat down with me and talked.
“Brian, Lanie’s eating dinner. Let’s take a second to —”
“Go. Home.”
His voice was low. Commanding. Laced with anger and humming with darkness. I felt a knot form in my throat as tears rose to my eyes, but I blinked them away before he had a chance to see them. I wasn’t going to be weak in front of him, not like I’d been for so many months in front of Daryl. I rolled my shoulders back and nodded my head, choking down all the words I wanted to spew at him.
I guess I had my answer as to how he felt.
“Lanie wants to have a tea party. So suck it up. Get your ass out there, and be a dad since that’s what you’re fighting for.”
I turned on my heels and headed for the kitchen before Brian could form a rebuttal. I heard him step out of his room as I bent down toward Lanie, kissing her on the forehead. I was trying to keep my anger and my hurt at bay so the little girl wouldn’t feel anymore distress in the moment than she already had at Brian’s behavior.
“Tea party time?” Lanie asked.
“Well, Uncle Brian will have one with you. I have someone I have to go see for a little bit. But I promise you, Uncle Brian’s coming to play,” I said.
“You’re not coming?” she asked.
“I promise, the next one we have will be awesome. We’ll dress up, and I’ll do your makeup. We’ll make invitations to send out to all the guests. It’ll be an all-day affair with snacks and tea and dancing and movies. How does that sound?” I asked.
“Pwomise?”
I lifted my gaze to Brian, who stood in the hallway, just outside his bedroom door. My eyes bored into him, silently demanding he take control of the situation and give me some sort to answer. But all he did was stare at me.
“I promise,” I said.
Lanie threw her arms around my neck as tears crested my eyes. I planted one last kiss on her cheek, then quickly grabbed my coat. I slipped outside into the cold before I threw it around my shoulders, then I ran for my cabin. My heart ached. It felt like it had broken into two pieces and was oozing all over the floor. I hoped I hadn’t just lied to that poor little girl. I hoped that Brian would come to his senses and talk to me instead of pushing me away. If in the end, he still decided he didn’t want to be with me, then fine. But I hoped he’d still let me have a relationship with Lanie. I couldn’t bear to lose both of them.