ed by now that your old man is a stubborn ass? Carly Jo, for forty years, I worked countless hours buildin’ a small empire, establishin’ the Simon name in the coal industry. I always dreamed that Simon Coal, Incorporated would be a company to surpass generations of Simon’s. I always took pride in my company, but I also put that damn company before my girls in too many instances, and that, is the second biggest regret I will die with. The first, is not comin’ to find you when you left my office that day. I figured, you stormed off to Florida to spend some time with your momma, and eventually you would come home. But after you had been gone a couple months, and none of us had heard from you, I knew not only were you hurt, but you were pissed, and once you were pissed, there would be no changin’ your mind. Hell you are a stubborn ass Simon!” He chuckles, “But Princess, I can never make any of the mistakes right. What’s done, is done. Hell, karma is a bitch. Look at me now. I gave forty years of my life to that damn mines, and look what it gave me in return, damn cancer. You, have always been one of the biggest joys in my life, and I turned my back on you, when you needed me most. I can never forgive myself for that, Carly Jo. Never.”
He wipes his face with the back of his hand, taking a deep breath to suppress his overwhelmed emotion. I grasp his hand, and give it a light squeeze. “Daddy, it’s ok.”
“No, Carly Jo, you don’t understand,” he says through his strained, garbled voice. I can tell he is distressed, and I know he needs to calm down.
“Daddy, maybe you should rest. You don’t need to get yourself upset.”
“Carly Jo, I need to get this off my chest, so please just shut the hell up and listen to your old man.”
Knowing he means business, I sit back in the chair and watch him as he calm’s himself. I’m terrified, as I am not sure what he wants to talk about. It’s hard to tell, really. Daddy always was a personal man. He takes pride in his work, and always keeps his business to himself. I often wonder if that is what caused my momma to leave when I was a kid.
He pulls the oxygen mask down his face, and before I can even argue with him, he shakes his head with a stern look in his weak eyes. “Carly Jo, I ain’t gonna go into specifics with you. But I’ve done some evil things in my life. I was sure that one day, it would all come back to bite me in the ass, and I think this cancer is karma’s way of dealin’ with me. I wasn’t the best husband to Elizabeth, so she left me when things were too much for her to deal with. I wasn’t the best daddy, I ran you off when you were just seventeen, and that was something I could’ve prevented. I always tried to run Simon Energy the right way, but years ago, back before you were born, things happened. Things beyond my control. Things I’m not proud of. I have a shit load of buried secrets Carly, and I pray that none of them ever stain yours or Savannah’s lives.”
Daddy covers his face again with his oxygen mask, and I can tell this is all too much for him, as tears run down his sunken cheeks.
“Shh, it’s okay, Daddy. We both made mistakes. Don’t get yourself all worked up over things neither of us can change. Lie back, and try to rest some. I think you’ve had enough stress for the day, and you're already weak enough.”
I kiss the back of his hand, then stand to pull the blanket up over his frail body. I kiss him lightly on the cheek, and as I pull away, he tightens his grip on my hand and whispers,
“Carly Jo, please forgive me, so I can rest.” That one simple command shatters my heart into a million, tiny shards. In that moment, I know that Daddy is ready to give up the battle. He just needs my forgiveness to do so. I smile that smile he loves, laying my cheek to his cheek and whisper softly,
“Daddy, I forgave you the moment I walked through that door. I’ll always be your baby girl. I don’t want to let you go, but I know you’re suffering. It’s okay, Daddy, rest.”
Looking up at me, Daddy smiles, and says, “I love you, Princess.”
I hug him tight, and say, “I love you too, Daddy.”
Daddy drifts off to sleep peacefully. He sleeps for the better part of the day, only stirring on occasions when the monitors go off, alarming that his vitals are slowing down. I know that he is dying, I just wish the suffering would end.
Daddy’s battle with cancer, has been hard on him mentally and physically. He always loved being at the mines, and for the last month, he has laid in this hospital bed, day after day, looking at the four walls around him, instead of heaps of coal. I don’t understand what Daddy means by his ‘buried secrets’, but then again, he was always personal, and never talked much about anything. Has he been that bad of a man in his life that he truly deserved to suffer like this? I highly doubt that. But if his secrets are bad enough to upset him like they did earlier, I pray he takes his secrets to the grave.
Around six p.m., Daddy seems to be resting well, so I kiss his forehead, and slip out of the room quietly. I text Savannah once I get in the hallway to let her know I’m on my way back to her house. She replies quickly that dinner will be ready when I get there. Dinner sounds nice. I’ve sat with Daddy all day long, worried that he may pass at any moment. Worried about all he had confessed to me. I had completely forgot about eating. I leave the hospital and make my way to Savannah’s.
I hear a phone ringing, waking me from a deep sleep. I turn over, open my eyes, and see the sun is beaming through the slits of the vinyl shades, dancing across the ceiling. Rubbing my eyes, I roll over and pick up my cell phone, but it’s silent. Must be the house phone. I hear my bedroom door squeak, as soft pitter patters pad the floor. A weight compresses against my bed, and I roll over to see Brailee sitting beside of me. Her cheeks are flush, and she looks scared.
“Brailee, baby, what’s wrong?” I ask.
“It’s Momma, Auntie Carly. She answered the phone, then just started crying. Come check on her please!” Brailee cries.
I jump from the bed, and run down the steps in search of Savannah. She is sitting in the kitchen floor with her knees in her chest, and her face in her palms, crying. Her body shakes uncontrollably as chest wracking sobs escape her. In that instant, I know what has her so heartbroken. I sit down beside of her, and pull her into my arms. Together, we sit in the middle of the kitchen floor and cry over the loss of our daddy.
Chapter 4
These last three days have been the hardest I have ever had to endure. Accepting condolences from hundreds of faces, most I didn’t recognize, was exhausting to say the least. I know people mean well, when they hug you and express their deepest sympathies, but right now, I just want to grieve with my family.
Daddy made sure all of his arrangements were taken care of so Savannah and I wouldn’t have the hardship of planning a funeral while we were grieving. During the memorial service, a few of Daddy’s friends and colleagues remark upon Daddy’s accomplishments and his life. As I sit on the front pew of the church, and listen to each man speak of my father, I think of the lasting impression he left upon my heart. Tears burst free, and roll down my cheeks. I cannot control my emotion, as my heart has a void that can never be filled. Brailee leans her head over against my chest, and wraps her tiny hand around mine. My heart breaks a little more, knowing that this sweet child is hurting too, but is trying to comfort me, the best she can. Smiling down at her, I wipe my face, and pull her into a tight embrace.
After the services, the church hosts a big dinner in honor of Daddy. My stomach is a twisted knot of nerves. Being among family and friends I hadn’t seen in years, I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I decide to take the twins outside to play in the church playground. They need to release some energy from being cooped up all day, and some fresh air may do me good.
It is a beautiful September day. The sun is shining bright, the sky a perfect shade of blue. The air fresh and crisp. I sit down on the steps of the church and watch as the twins play tag. I hear the church door close, then footsteps behind me. Assuming it is a visitor leaving, I keep my focus on the twins. Out of the corner of my eye I see long legs covered in loose denim.
“Carly Jo,” he sa
ys while squatting to sit beside of me. He stretches his legs to straighten his jeans. My face scrunches in shock, as he is the last person I expected to see here. I stare at him, not hiding the shock in my expression. I can feel the anxiety constrict in my chest, but I take a deep breath to fight it back.
His dark brown hair is faded tight against his scalp in the back, but thick and full on top, just enough to run your fingers through. His face is soft and delicate, but his chin is slightly scruffy, unshaven. Tanned skin stretches across his thick muscles, and I can see a peek of inked art on his right bicep. He peers back at me through dark as night, cold black eyes. Colton. Oh my, he is still sexy as hell!
I'm at a total loss for words. It’s been seven years since I've seen him, and suddenly, I'm terrified. He reads my expression, and smirks.