“So…to recap, you freaked because you thought I didn’t want it?” I replayed his reaction again in my head, seeing it in a far better light now.
“You’re the one who said it was bad!”
“I already said it wasn’t terrible. It was…good.” I tried to balance how much praise the guy needed to hear against my own losing efforts to protect my emotions.
“It was? Maybe—whoa.” Milo sounded hopeful right up until the car wobbled. Not a full-out skid, but suddenly getting home in one piece needed to take priority over wondering whether Milo had been about to ask for a repeat. And if he had asked, what would I have said? Monitoring the road conditions seemed like a far better use of my time than trying to sort out the avalanche Milo’s revelations had caused in my brain.
Chapter Fourteen
Milo
So. I kissed Jasper. That was a thing that happened. And then I told him…well, not everything but close enough. Close enough that when we almost skidded off the highway, that wasn’t even the third most nerve-racking moment in the last hour or so. Traffic slowed down to deal with the increasingly dicey road conditions, and my grip on the steering wheel tightened. My leg ached from doing the clutch. I needed to deliver Jasper back to his dorm in one piece. That was all that mattered.
“Think we should take the next exit? Try to wait this out?” Jasper wrinkled his forehead, his expression, as always, a window into his emotions. I liked how he was so easy to read. There was no guessing with him. When he was happy, the whole world knew it. And right then, he was worried, same as me.
“It’s probably only going to get worse. And we’re close enough to home.” I hoped that was true. I hated driving in weather, and I didn’t want Jasper catching on to exactly how freaked out I was. But maybe there was a way out of the pounding in my head. “Unless…You drive in the snow a lot? I’d be willing to swap drivers.”
“Ha. Much as I’d like the chance to drive a classic beauty like this, I can’t drive a stick.” Jasper laughed, which was good as it probably meant my efforts to hold it together were working, but it also meant I had no choice but to push forward.
Trying to keep my mind off all the possible doomsday scenarios, I made my voice light. “That’s okay. I’ll teach you sometime.”
“I…uh…might take you up on that. You sure?” Jasper shifted in his seat. Maybe he was cold. Wishing I had a more fun way to warm him up, I adjusted the heater again.
“It’s the least I can do. You’re saving my bacon. One card down. Three to go.” Optimism wasn’t my strong suit, but I tried to channel my inner Jasper.
“Hmm. We’ll see.” Jasper sounded more like me for a change, pragmatic and guarded. “After this cold snap clears, maybe. I’d hate to ruin your clutch though.”
“Let me worry about that.” I wanted him excited about this prospect. And if it meant more time together, well, there wasn’t really a downside I could see. It would be worth a repair if it meant doing something for him after all he’d done for me.
“Okay. Deal.” Jasper nodded then stretched his neck. A rogue thought about what I’d like to do to that neck danced through my brain, but I forced my eyes back on the road. A couple of miles passed in silence before Jasper said, “Milo?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry you had it so crappy. I wish I’d known.” His voice was soft and a little uncertain and warmed me more than the unreliable heater.
“Thanks.” Keeping my eyes on the road, I had to swallow before continuing. “I wish…lots of things.”
“Yeah.” Jasper’s sigh held an entire library’s worth of meaning. We drifted into another silence, this one less tense but still potent. Our conversation had left us in a strange place. He now knew more about me than almost anyone else, but I still had no idea if we were friends again, or if such a thing were even possible. And I’d lived with regret so long that my hope muscles were all atrophied to the point that I didn’t know what exactly I wanted here. Learning to hope again only to fall flat on my face would suck.
And yet, as we neared Gracehaven, something kept fluttering inside me. Not hope maybe, but its restless, more anxious cousin. I wanted…something.
“Is your group doing the cosplay thing again this Wednesday?” I kept my voice casual, distant even.
“We are. It’s not always all of us every week, but those of us who can, try to go at least weekly.”
“Cool. I… Cool.” I wasn’t quite sure how to move the conversation to where I wanted to nudge it without seeming overeager.