He turned away from me, and my gaze focused on the bulge of his muscles, the way his strong shoulders pulled back. It was how River looked when he was trying to be brave. It was the same way he’d looked the last time I’d seen him. It was his way of trying to make himself feel like he was absolutely right in his decisions, even if the findings were wrong. Some sort of macho bullshit. I hated it then, and I hated it now.
"It was for your own good," he said, his tone now hard, the sweetness there a moment ago now far from his eyes.
"No, River, it wasn't."
"It was. What was I supposed to do, huh? I was going off to a war zone. I didn't know if I would be back again. I’d have rather you fuckin' lived your damn life. I didn't want you waiting for God knows how long, only to have me come back in a box."
"Well, you didn't come back in a box, did you?" I shouted. I didn't care anymore; four years of rage and abandonment poured out of me. "And I didn't really move on. I couldn't."
"What do you mean, you couldn't?"
"Why didn't you answer my letters?"
"What letters?"
"Fuck you, River. Don't do that shit. I sent you so many letters."
"I didn’t get any letters. You honestly think if I did, I wouldn’t have run right back to you the second I got home. I thought you were done with me. I wanted you to be happy, I wasn’t going to come back and turn your life upside down, not after the shit I pulled by leaving. I wanted you to move on with your life, you deserved everything you wanted.”
"I wanted you," I whispered as I turned away, not wanting him to see the tears that were pooling in my eyes. I never wanted River to see weakness from me ever again. I also hated myself for still crying over him. Taking this job was a mistake—a giant one.
It felt like I waited an eternity, stirring in the silence that felt like a heavy weight on my heart, a heart that I was sure River had killed four years ago.
"I'm sorry," River finally said, slicing the thickness in the air with a knife while simultaneously slashing the last shred of dignity I had. My body started shaking, and I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. They streamed down my face like a wild river.
"Sorry isn't good enough. It wasn’t good enough then, and it sure as fuck isn't good enough now. You left me alone when I needed you the most."
"I didn't want you tied down."
"Well, did you want your daughter to grow up without her father?"
Chapter 3
RIVER
Her words hit me like bullets, each one striking a vital organ until the last one hit its mark directly at my heart. "What did you say?"
"I said, did you want your daughter to grow up without her father?"
"What are you talking about?"
Zoey walked past me to her purse and took out her phone before shoving it in my face. "Her name is Violet. She's going to be four next week. She's funny, smart, and fiercely independent."
I took the phone from Zoey, my fingers shaking. Staring at me was a cute little redhead with a splatter of freckles around her nose and a lopsided smile. In her hands was a pink teddy bear that she clung on to for dear life. She was beautiful. "She's got your eyes."
"You think? I think she looks just like your mom."
"She does, but she's got your eyes. Why didn't you tell my Dad about her?"
"I didn't want to trouble him."
"How did you take care of her while you were in school?" As soon as I asked the question, it dawned on me. Our daughter was the reason that Zoey hadn't become a doctor. She was the unexpected turn in her life.
"I quit school. I wrote you those letters, but when I didn't hear back, I just assumed you'd moved on. Who knew what was happening overseas? You'd broken up with me, ignored me; how was I supposed to think you'd take care of my daughter? So I quit school and worked, did the best I could with what I had."
"My parents would have helped. At least financially."
She snatched the phone from my hand, her eyes flashing. I missed her fire, the lightning that would flare in her eyes before she lashed out. I would have taken all the abuse she could have thrown at me. I deserved it.
"I don't need help. This really was a mistake. I thought I could take this job and maybe, oh, I don't know what I thought. All I know is we needed the money, and Violet has been asking questions."
"What kind of questions?"