She felt Ryan’s hands slide up her waist to cover her breasts and she shuddered. One more time, one more memory. She needed it and she needed him.
One more time and then she’d kick him out. Of her apartment and her life.
“There you are,” Ryan murmured against her mouth. “I needed you back in my arms.”
He needed her? Back in his arms? Oh, God, he wasn’t back because he loved her or missed her. He was back because he loved the sex and he missed it. Stiffening, she pulled her mouth from his and narrowed her eyes. “Back off,” she muttered.
Ryan lifted his hands and took a half step away. He ran a hand around the back of his neck and blew air into his cheeks. “Jace, I—”
Jaci shook her head and pushed past him, thinking that she needed some distance, just a moment to get her heart and head under control. She walked into the bathroom and gripped the edge of the sink, telling herself that she had to resist temptation because she couldn’t kid herself anymore; Ryan wanted to have sex and she wanted to make love. Settling for less than she wanted wasn’t an option anymore. She didn’t want to settle for a bouquet of flowers when she needed the whole damn florist. Jaci placed her elbows on the bathroom counter and stared at her pale reflection in the mirror.
She needed more and she had to tell him. It was that simple. And that hard. She’d tell him that she loved him and he’d walk, because he wasn’t interested in anything that even hinted at permanence.
Her expiration date was up.
“You can do this, you are stronger than you think.” Jaci whispered the words to herself.
“You can do what?”
Jaci stood up and slowly turned around to Ryan standing in the entrance to the bathroom, holding the top rim of the door. He looked hot and sexy and rumpled. Still tired, she thought, but so damn confident. God, she needed every bit of willpower she possessed to walk away from him, but if she didn’t do it now she never would.
Jaci pulled in a deep breath. “I’m walking away...from you, from this.”
Ryan tipped his head to the side and Jaci saw the corners of his mouth twitch in amusement. Ooh, that look made her want to smack him silly.
“No,” he calmly stated. He dropped his hands and crossed his arms over that ocean of a chest and spread his legs, effectively blocking her path out of the bathroom.
That just made her mad. “What do you mean no? I am going to leave New York and I am definitely leaving you.”
“No, you are not leaving New York and you are definitely not leaving me.”
Jaci leaned back against the counter and thought that it was ridiculous that they were having this conversation in the bathroom. “I refuse to be your part-time plaything.”
“You’re not my plaything and, judging by the space you take up in my head, you’re not a part-time anything.”
“You run, Ryan. Every time I need you to talk to me, you run,” Jaci cried.
To her surprise, he nodded his agreement. “Because you scare me. You scare the crap out of me.”
“Why?” Jaci wailed, not understanding any of it.
Ryan lifted one powerful shoulder in a long shrug. “Because I’m in love with you.”
No, he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. “You’re not in love with me,” Jaci told him, her voice shaky. “People in love don’t act like you did. They don’t accuse people of having affairs. They don’t try to hurt the people they love!”
Horror chased pain and regret across his face. “Sorry. God, I’m so sorry that I hurt you,” Ryan said in a strangled voice. “I’d just heard that you discussed us with that horse’s butt and you looked all dewy, and soft, and in love. I thought that you’d gone back to him.”
“Why did you think that?”
“Because it’s the way you look after I make love to you!” Ryan shouted, his chest heaving. “I was jealous and scared and I didn’t want to be in love with you, to expose myself to being hurt. You loved him three months ago, Jaci.”
“That was before I learned that he liked S&M and that he cheated on me. It was before I grew stronger, bolder. It was before I met you. How could you think that, Ryan? How could you believe that I would hurt you like that?”
“Because I’m scared to love you, to be with you.” Ryan’s jaw was rock hard and his eyes were bleak. When he spoke again, his words sounded as if he was chipping them from a mound of granite. “Because all the people who I loved have let me down in some way or the other. I love you, and why would life treat me any different now?” He shrugged and he swallowed, emotion making his Adam’s apple bounce in his strong throat. “But I’m willing to take the chance. You’re that important.”