“I think there are some tables outside in the back,” he says quietly.
I nod once and continue for the exit, Tyson opens the door and a warm rush of hot air greets us. I look around not finding any tables. Ty guides me to the right, and toward the back of the building and a group of picnic tables. We walk quietly side by side while I give myself a pep talk.
Breathe.
You can do it.
Breathe.
What’s the worse that could happen?
Don’t forget to breathe.
We come to a stop by the table. I grab Ty's arm, preventing him from sitting. “I think you’re going to want to stand for this.”
I know him all too well and I’m sure that within the next two minutes he’ll be pacing like a bull.
“Okay. You’re starting to make me nervous, Harley. Is everything okay?” He runs his hand through his hair, giving it that I-just-had-wild-monkey-sex look, and then he shoves them both into his pockets.
I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. It’s now or never. “I love you.”
Smiling sweetly, he replies, “I love you, too.”
I shake my head, pinning him with my stare, trying to convey just how much my feelings have morphed from friendship into something more. “No. I love you, love you, Ty.”
At first he just looks at me, and I’m not completely sure he understands what I’m saying.
But then I see it.
Acceptance, relief, and fear flash quickly through his eyes, before they settle on me. Written all over his face is the one thing that makes this all worth it: Love. Pure love.
My body sags with relief. This was the right move.
My small bubble of hope is quickly popped as Tyson's expression changes. His face turns cold. His eyebrows narrow. He shakes his head slowly. He looks over at me, then stares at the ground, clenching his fists. When his eyes land back on mine, the love that I saw a second ago is gone. But it was there. I saw the adoration in his eyes. He can fight it all he wants but it was there.
“Don’t leave. Please don’t leave.” I beg. My voice is panicky. Desperation takes over. I cling to his arms, trying to get him to look at me, but he shrugs it away. “Stay. Please stay. Stay here with me. I love you.” My words rush out, tumbling over each other. I just can’t stop them. “I know you’re my best friend, but I love you. I’m in love with you. I want to be with you Ty. Give me, give us a chance.” I reach slowly for his hand, needing to make some sort of contact, but he pushes me away. With his fingers tightly laced together, he placed his hands on his head and paces in circles.
"I know I'm asking a lot," I say, my voice thick with emotion. "I should have told you a long time ago, but I didn't, and I can't change that now."
Tyson keep walking in circles clenching and unclenching his fists.
I take a hesitant step toward him. "I know that this is incredibly selfish of me. I know I'm asking you to give up everything but---"
"I can't believe this is happening." He interrupts. I don't respond because I'm not given the chance. "How long Harley? How long have you felt like this?"
"Years."
"Years?" He asks incredulously, his eyebrows arched.
I nod my head, swallowing hard, suppressing the tears threatening to fall.
His head drops down. His voice is quiet but full
of curiosity. "Why now, Harley? Why not a year ago, a month ago, or hell a week ago? Why now?"
"Because you're too important to me, Ty. I was scared." My voice cracks when I say his name and a fat tear streaks down my cheek. "I didn't want to risk our friendship. I didn't want to lose everything we have if you didn't feel the same way." I squeeze my eyes shut and hang my head in regret. I should have told him sooner, but I've come this far, and I'm sure as hell not giving up now. Wiping away the wetness under my eyes I step in Ty's path, preventing further pacing. "Would it have mattered? If I would have told you a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago . . . would it have mattered?"
His eyes are downcast, and his lips are tilted in a frown. My chest tightens. My hand twitches, wanting to touch him, but I don't.