“I thought so too, but now I’m not sure. I’ll never fit into your world.”
“That’s a bullshit excuse if I’ve ever heard one. I never pegged you as a coward.”
Grayson’s jaw clenches tight. “I’m not a coward. I’m a realist. Pull your head out of your ass, Nora. Life isn’t a fairytale where everything is wrapped in a neat little bow with the perfect happily ever after.”
“I know that.”
“Do you? Because from where I’m standing, you think everything can be fixed with money or a vacation. You’re blinded by lust—”
“Not lust, love. I love you, Grayson.” My heart explodes at the unintended confession.
Grayson’s eyes widen. He’s momentarily stunned, and I use it as an opportunity to tell him again.
“I love you. I’ve loved you for a while. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“No, you don’t. You’re infatuated with the idea of us.”
“Don’t tell me what I feel.” I shake my head and take a step back. “I love you, Grayson. I love you. I love you and your kids, and you’re pushing me away because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared, I’m—I think we rushed into this. Maybe we need to take a step back and really think about what we want.”
“I know what I want!”
“Well, maybe I don’t,” he shouts back, his eyes wide, stunned at his own words.
I stumble back. “All my life, I’ve felt off—like something has been out of sorts. And then I moved here, met you and your kids, and everything snapped into place. This is where I’m supposed to be. This—being here with you, Jack, Emma, and Henry—is what I’m supposed to be doing. When I’m on stage singing, everything is a blur of black and white. But here with you, ev
erything is crisp and bright. After years of searching, I’ve finally found my happiness, and I don’t want to lose it.”
Grayson’s face is a perfect blank mask, giving nothing away.
I sniff and wipe an arm across my face. “But can I lose something that was never really mine to begin with? You gave me your body, and I believe you tried to give me your heart, but did you ever really let me into your life, or have you been waiting for something like this to happen?”
He shakes his head. “That’s not it at all.”
“I don’t believe you,” I say. “I think you’ve had one foot out the door the entire time. You’ve been hurt. Well, guess what? So have I. But I’m still willing to put it all on the line for you and your kids because I love you. But you’re not willing to do the same, and I refuse to fight for someone who won’t fight for me.”
“I can’t fight for you when I’m trying to figure out what’s best for them.”
His words are a swift kick to the gut, nearly causing me to double over. No matter how much I want it, he’s not making room for me in his family. I’ll always be on the outside looking in.
And you know what? I think a part of me would be willing to take whatever scraps he throws my way. But the other part—the part that knows what it’s like to be loved by this man—refuses to accept anything less than his all.
For whatever bullshit reason, he’s spooked, and it’s something he has to find his own way out of.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Grayson.”
“Nora...”
For the first time since we started arguing, I see a flash of fear in his eyes.
Tell me you love me.
Tell me to stay and I will.
He doesn’t.
“I think it’s best for everyone if I go stay with Nick and Jessa for a few days.”