We stand there for several minutes, neither of us saying a word. His body sways slightly to the left. I grip him tightly to steady his balance and raise my eyes to his. "Are you okay?"
His red-rimmed, glossy eyes lock onto mine, but he doesn't respond. I watch as his expression changes. A shiver runs up my spine as goose bumps immediately cover my body. "Are you okay?" I repeat, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. Loosening my grip, I attempt to step back, but his arms tighten around me.
"You always smell so good," he slurs, his eyes roaming my face. His hand slides up my back and to my neck. He wraps his fingers around my hair and tugs, forcing my head to snap back. Leaning into me, he runs his nose along the side of my neck, and my stomach churns. "I would have given you anything. But I wasn't good enough for you, was I?" I don't respond and he yanks my hair again, arching my back. "Was I?" he seethes.
I’ve never been in a situation where I feel legitimately uncomfortable in the presence of another human being, but right here...in this second...I am terrified. Adrenalin courses through my body. My heart slams violently in my chest and my muscles tense as terror washes through me. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut. A sharp pain rips through my scalp. My face smacks the ground, and a metallic taste fills my mouth.
Please, God. Please let me survive this.
MY HAND GRIPS BRIT’S so tightly that I let go in fear of actually hurting her. She follows me across the dance floor, past Levi and Cooper at the pool tables, and to the bar. Flagging down the bartender, I order a bottle of Bud Light. I turn to Brit, raising my eyebrows and cocking my head toward the bar.
“I’m good,” she replies quietly.
The bartender grabs a beer from behind the bar, pops the top, and slides it to me. I raise the bottle and begin to drink, my eyes landing on the door we just walked through.
Brit stands there, absently rubbing my arm. She is giving me time and space, but her stare begs me to say something. To be completely honest, I am absolutely dumbfounded at what just happened. When Harley asked to talk to me, I was expecting her to tell me she's going to miss me but supports me regardless. I was not expecting her to tell me she loves me and beg me to stay here to give “us” a chance. She completely caught me off-guard. At first, all I felt was relief. She finally said the words I’ve wanted to hear for so long.
I shouldn't have gotten mad that she didn't tell me sooner. That just makes me a hypocrite because I never told her how I felt either. I didn't mean to yell at her, and her tears were almost my undoing. I've never yelled at Harley—ever.
The other part of me feels horrible for Brit. I was ready to tell Harley I loved her too. I itched to pull her into me, bury my face in her thick brown hair, and tell her how happy she'd made me. But that split-second thought quickly vanished when Brit's face popped in my head.
I'm not sure when I started looking at Harley differently, but by the time I realized that I harbored some feelings for her, I was in college and the last thing I wanted to do was tie myself down. It makes me a prick, but it's the truth. I didn't want to be shackled to the girl next door—the girl who had naked pictures of my butt and took baths with me when I was growing up. I'm a guy. I wanted to drink beer with my friends and fuck hot girls, even if the girl next door was hot.
I wasn't expecting to meet Brit. In fact, she literally stumbled into my life when she tripped on the sidewalk and landed conveniently in my lap. But I sure as hell wasn't complaining. She was new and exciting, and she looked at me like I was a shiny toy that she couldn't wait to play with. And I wanted to be played with.
It was nice being around someone who didn't already know everything about me. I enjoyed telling her stories and having her ask me things, rather than just knowing me inside and out like Harley.
Fuck. I made the right choice...right? I mean...I've worked so hard to get where I am. It took a lot of work to switch medical schools. I just can't veer off course right now. And then there's Brit. I love Brit. Am I ready to just walk away from her? No. I will not second-guess myself. I made the right choice.
B
rit rests her hand on my forearm, pulling me from my thoughts, and I turn to meet her eyes. “You okay?” she whispers.
“I feel like I should be asking you that."
She links her fingers between mine. “Do you…” She hesitates, her eyes frantically searching mine. “Do you want to stay? Here? With Harley?” Her eyes drop to the floor.
Gripping her chin between my thumb and forefinger, I lift her gaze back to mine. “No. Absolutely not. I love you, Brit," I say, brushing my lips gently against hers.
She nods, accepting my answer. “We still need to talk about what happened. If you choose me, then you need to choose me, one hundred percent." Lifting her hand, she runs her fingers behind my ear into my hair, rubbing my cheek with her thumb. Rising onto her toes, her lips meet mine, and then with absolute resolve, she says, “I’m sorry about what happened earlier, but I’m done sharing. I will not share you with her anymore. We’ll never make it if I have to."
Taking a long swig of my beer, I set the bottle down and wrap her in my arms, pulling her close. I need to comfort her. I need her to comfort me.
“I know,” I whisper into her ear.
Making our way over to Levi and Cooper, we quietly join in the conversation. Brit starts chatting with one of her friends while I stand there and pretend that my life didn’t just completely change.
I can’t help it. I continue to stare at the back door of the bar, waiting for Harley to come back in. I need to see her and make sure that she’s okay. I practically tossed her out of my life, and I feel like a complete asshole for that. Right now, though, I would give anything to rewind time by a few minutes and change my wording a little bit. If I could, I’d be less harsh and maybe tell her something to ease the blow, if that were even possible.
The thought of not talking to Harley every day scares the shit out of me. It’s an indescribable feeling, but if I had to try, I’d say that the thought of her not being a part of my life leaves me feeling...lost.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but Brit and I hang out with Levi and Cooper while I nurse another beer and lose another game of pool. A part of me is concerned that I still haven’t seen Harley come back in, but I also don’t see Quinn anywhere, so it’s possible that Quinn met her outside and they left. I want so badly to go search for her and talk this out, but Brit deserves better than that.
“Come on, Brit,” I say, grabbing her hand. “Let's go home.” Halfway through the bar, she tugs on my arm and I turn to her, raising my eyebrows in silent question.
“Do you want to go find her? You know, to, umm, to make sure she’s okay?"
I tighten my grip around her hand and pull her in for a tight hug. “You are amazing, do you know that?" I mumble into her hair.