Hearing him call me by that nickname was like having a bucket of cold water thrown over me. My conscience came flooding back with a vengeance. I pulled away, horrified by what I was doing, especially on this day.
Logan lifted his hand as if he were going to make a grab for me, but I moved back, pressing myself against the car door to evade him. He was breathing heavily, and his eyes pierced me with their intensity. I couldn’t draw in a full breath, and I just stared at him as a dozen emotions went through me.
“Don’t,” he rasped in a low voice. “Don’t pull away from me.”
I shook my head, unable to speak. For a few moments, there were only the sounds of our heavy breathing. When I was finally able to find my voice, it was broken and trembling.
“This was a mistake. We can’t be doing this, especially today of all days. Please, let’s just forget this ever happened.”
Logan’s face tightened and his eyes narrowed. “This wasn’t a mistake. You’re just scared of admitting your true feelings. Aren’t you tired of pretending?”
“I’m not pretending,” I replied, trying to make my voice firm although I couldn’t hide the tremor in it. “This is wrong. We’re friends, nothing more. I was just over-emotional with today being Cassie’s birthday and what happened at her parents’ house.”
His mouth tightened, and I could see he was struggling to control his emotions. “Why is this wrong? We’re not hurting anyone.”
“In case you’ve forgotten, I have a boyfriend.” I tried to not make my voice accusatory since I had been just as culpable in our slip-up as he was. Plus, I didn’t want to agitate him to the point that he would push me about Cassie. “Please, let’s just move past this. I need for us to move past this so we can stay friends.”
“Friends.” Logan spat the word out like it was distasteful. He gave me a humorless smile and turned away from me, putting his seatbelt on angrily and changing the gear to drive. “Yeah, we’re friends.”
I didn’t know how to take his comment, so I was silent as he pulled back onto the road. I put my seatbelt back on, and to give myself a distraction, I made a quick call to my father to explain that I wouldn’t be able to stop by today. I gave the excuse of having a deadline for work moved up. He was disappointed, but understood and I promised I would visit him soon.
Not another word was said between Logan and me on the drive home, and when he dropped me off in front of my apartment building, he just gave me a curt nod in response to my tentative thanks for driving.
He waited for me to unlock the front door and step inside, as was customary, but the moment the door closed behind me, he peeled off abruptly. I stared at the fast-disappearing tail lights of his car, wondering if I had lost him for good.
Chapter Seven
The next few days were miserable. Logan made no attempts to contact me, and the lack of his presence in my life was painful, especially considering how we had last parted. Even Adam noticed that I was being unusually quiet when he came over on Wednesday night.
“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked in the midst of eating Chinese take-out. It had been his suggestion, and I couldn’t help comparing him to the last person I had eaten Chinese food with.
“Nothing,” I replied, trying to smile at him. In addition to being depressed over what had happened between Logan and me, I was also trying to deal with the guilt of having betrayed Adam. Not only had I betrayed him, I hadn’t given him a moment’s thought while I was busy practically trying to swallow Logan whole.
“Why so glum, then?” He gave me a sympathetic look. “Is it your article for work?”
I grasped onto the excuse he gave me. “Yeah, I’m just having a hard time making it all come together. I’m writing a piece about the recent drop of students’ standardized test scores in our district, but it’s been difficult to get a perspective on the issue that feels right to me.”
“I’m sure it’ll be great,” Adam said reassuringly. “I’m having some problems on a chapter I’m working on, too. I’m getting too bogged down by
my narrative, and I’m trying to devise ways to make the narrative work for me instead of the other way around.”
I listened to him drone on about literary devices, grateful that he had latched onto the subject so I didn’t have to contribute to the conversation. He could easily get caught up on a topic and talk endlessly about it. Usually it annoyed me, but tonight, I nodded and made encouraging sounds to keep him talking, although I was barely listening.
“Madison.”
Adam’s tone of voice made me realize that he had been trying to get my attention for a while but my thoughts had drifted off. Not only was I preoccupied with what had happened with Logan, but I was dreading tomorrow.
“Sorry,” I replied with a sheepish look. “I zoned out for a minute. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“That’s okay, babe,” he replied with a sweet smile. “I was saying that I think it’s time to take the next step in our relationship.”
I blinked at him, confused by the topic our conversation had veered into. The last thing I remembered him blathering on about was the flexibility of third-person narratives.
“What do you mean?” I asked, genuinely puzzled. Even though we had been dating for three years, neither of us had ever broached the subject of our future. I was content to take our relationship on a day-by-day basis, and I assumed Adam felt the same way.
He took my hand and squeezed it gently. “What I mean is, we’ve been together for three years. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
I swallowed hard, shocked by the words that were spilling so easily from his lips. It sounded like he was on the verge of proposing, and that was the last thing I expected from him. Hell, just a week ago I had been contemplating ending our relationship, and here he was professing his undying love to me.