Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

“What’s wrong?” he asked with a frown. “You went from happy to concerned in the span of a second. Are you worried that this will mean even longer work hours?” He kissed me gently on the forehead and brushed the hair back from my face. “Don’t worry. I made it clear that I wasn’t willing to make work my life. You’re more important to me than being made partner. I guess they wanted me pretty badly, because they were willing to meet all my terms.”

“It’s not that,” I said, shaking my head, but the sweetness of having him consider me when he should be making his career a priority made the conversation I was about to have with him even harder. I stepped back, breaking our embrace, and took a deep breath.

“Mrs. Brooks came to Chicago today to see me.”

Logan raised his eyebrows in surprise. “By herself? I can’t imagine her coming all the way here without her husband. What did she want?”

I bit my lip before answering, hating to shatter what should have been a happy day for Logan, but there was no point in delaying the inevitable. “She knows about us. That we’re seeing each other. She was pretty upset because in her mind, we’re betraying Cassie. She pretty much told me she’s disgusted with me.”

“How the hell did she find out?”

I had been dreading this part. “Adam told her. Apparently, he’s still really upset about our breakup and the fact that you and I are together now. He doesn’t know about what happened between us in college, but he knows that you were Cassie’s boyfriend back then, and that she killed herself. I had told him enough about Mrs. Brooks’ mental instability for him to know that she would freak out if she knew we were seeing each other. Somehow, he got her number and called her and told her everything.”

“That spineless son-of-a-bitch,” Logan cursed. “The only way he knows how to fight is like a fucking coward.”

He made a move towards the door, and I grabbed his arm to stop him. “Where are you going?” I asked, panicked because I already had a pretty good idea.

“To find that piece of garbage and teach him how to handle things like a man.”

“That’s not going to help matters,” I said, trying to reason with him. “It’s just going to escalate things. I don’t want anything to do with Adam. I think he’s content, now that he’s gotten his petty revenge.”

Logan clenched his hands into fists. “He can’t just get away with this!”

I sighed, feeling defeated. “He didn’t tell her anything that wasn’t the truth. I don’t think he expected it to have as big of an impact as it did. He didn’t know how deep Mrs. Brooks’ sickness went when he contacted her.”

“What exactly did she say to you?”

I hesitated before answering. “She became pretty hysterical about the whole situation. She’s afraid of Cassie finding out and being hurt.” I dropped my head as a surge of regret washed over me. “She doesn’t realize that it’s already too late for that.”

“Madison, stop.”

I looked up at his steely tone, knowing that I was wallowing in my guilt but unable to help myself.

“You can’t keep berating yourself for what happened. You’re not responsible for Cassie’s decision.”

I rubbed my forehead tiredly, feeling exhausted by all the emotional turmoil of the day. “I feel like we’re just talking in circles. I thought we could make this work if I just buried the memories of Cassie.” I dropped my hand and looked at Logan, resigned. “But how do you forget someone who’s been a part of you for most of your life?”

Logan gently took me by the shoulders. “You can’t. That’s why I thought it was a mistake for you to try to forget about Cassie. We can work through your guilt about her together so that you can remember all the good times you had with her. Don’t let your last tragic moment with her define your entire relationship.”

I wasn’t sure if Logan was right. I fervently wished that he was, but my guilt had been a part of me for so long that I didn’t know if I could let it go. I took a deep breath before speaking, knowing that I had to tell him the promise I had made to Mrs. Brooks.

“I tried to be honest with Cassie’s mother. I tried to make her face the fact that Cassie is gone and we’re no longer college students, but she couldn’t accept it. She made me promise her that we would stop seeing each other. I didn’t know what else to do but agree because I was afraid she was going to become totally unhinged.”

Logan dropped his hands from my shoulders, his jaw tightening. His voice was quiet when he spoke but I could hear the anger simmering just beneath the surface. “Are you planning on keeping that promise?”

“No! I don’t know.” I felt utterly conflicted and didn’t know what was the right decision. I looked at Logan, pleading for him to understand. “I don’t want to end things between us. I just felt like I had to agree so she didn’t go off the deep end. But my fear is that Adam will find out we’re still toge

ther and contact Mrs. Brooks again.”

Logan frowned at my reasoning. “He could do that regardless. I doubt he would have any reservations about lying.”

I couldn’t argue with Logan’s logic since Adam had shown himself to have little integrity, but I still couldn’t banish the fear that, next time, he would do something as drastic as taking pictures of us as proof.

“I just need some time to think,” I said. “I just need to get my head on straight.”

Logan was watching me cautiously. “What exactly does that mean?”

Earlier, I had been clueless about what to do, and I still was, but I suddenly realized that what I needed was time. I needed time to figure out what the hell to do about this mess.