'He's teasing us,' I said. 'And he's testing Edith and me - that's it. He's so jealous that he assumes that we can't stop it, so he's trying to see how much we'll take. Maybe if Edith and I call it off, he'll see that nobody's going to hurt anybody else. Then he'll feel better about it and want it again.'
But Utch shook her head. 'No, please don't do anything,' she said. 'Just leave him alone, just let him have things his way.'
'His way!' I screamed. 'You don't like his way either - I know you don't.'
'That's true,' she said. 'But it's better than no way at all.'
'I wonder,' I said. 'I think Edith and I should say that we'll stop it right now, and maybe that will convince him.'
'Please,' Utch said. She was about to cry. 'Then he might stop it,' she said and burst into tears.
I was frightened for her. I hugged her and stroked her hair, but she went on sobbing. 'Utch?' I asked. I didn't recognize my own voice. 'Utch, don't you think you could stop it, if you had to? Don't you?'
She squeezed me; she pressed her face against my stomach and wriggled in my lap. 'No,' she whispered. 'I don't think I can. I don't think I could stand it if it were over.'
'Well, if we had to,' I said, 'of course you could, Utch.' But she said nothing and went on crying; I held her until she fell asleep. All along I'd thought that it was Edith and I who had the relationship which threatened Severin, though not Utch. All along I'd felt that Severin was disgruntled because he felt everything was unequal, that Edith and I shared too much - the implication being that he and Utch had too little. So what was this?
Weeks before, at a large and public party, I could sense that Severin was angered by the attention Utch was giving him, and by the attention Edith and I were giving each other - though we were always far more discreet than they were. Utch, a little drunk, was hanging on Severin, asking him to dance and making him uncomfortable. Much later that evening, when he came home and woke up Edith and me, he said as I was leaving, 'Take care of your wife.' I was irritated by the imperious tone in his voice and went home without saying a word. I thought he meant that I shouldn't let her drink so much, or that she'd confided in him about some act of neglect. But when I confronted Utch with it, she shook her head and said, 'I can't imagine what he's talking about.'
Now I wondered. Was he warning me of the depth of Utch's feelings for him? His vanity knew no bounds!
It was late at night when I carried Utch to bed and left her to sleep in her clothes; I knew I'd wake her if I undressed her. I called Edith. I didn't do it often, but we had a signal. I dialed, then hung up after only half a ring, waited and dialed again. If she was awake and heard the first ring, she'd be waiting to snatch the phone up immediately the next time. If the ringing persisted even for a whole tone, I'd know she was asleep or couldn't talk, and would hang up. Severin always slept through it.
When she answered now, she said, 'What is it?' She sounded cross.
'I was just thinking of you.'
'Well, I'm tired,' she said. Had they been arguing?
'I'm worried,' I confessed.
'We'll talk later,' Edith said.
'Is he awake?'
'No. What is it?'
'If he wants to stop the whole thing,' I said, 'why doesn't he?'
There was no answer. 'Edith?' I said.
'Yes?' she said, but she wasn't going to answer my question.
'Does he want to stop?' I asked. 'And if he does - and, Jesus, he acts as if he does - then why doesn't he?'
'I've offered to stop,' she told me. I knew this was true, but it always hurt me a little to hear it.
'But he doesn't take you up on the offer,' I said.
'No.'
'Why?'
'He must like it,' she said, but even without her face in front of me, I knew when she was lying.
'He has a strange way of liking things,' I said.
'He thinks