“You’re an only child,” says Leif. “You can’t speak.”
“True. I was a late-in-life surprise. My parents didn’t really mean to have kids.”
“No?”
“No,” I say. And I don’t have anything to add to that. That information about my folks was kind of an overshare, actually. The sort of thing I’d normally only talk about with Briar and Celine. But something about Leif makes me a little too comfortable. Too trusting. Or maybe I just shouldn’t be so paranoid in the first place. Who knows?
“Well, I’m glad that they did.” Leif gives me a smile. He always knows what to say to make everything better.
“So are we,” says Clem.
It’s nice to make new friends.
“And when you’re ready to date again, I know this great guy,” she continues. “He works in a coffee shop across from the bookstore. Just a really pleasant person, you know?”
“Oh,” I say.
Leif makes a derisive-type noise in his throat. “I think Anna can do better than just a really pleasant person, don’t you?”
Clem frowns, obviously thinking it over. “It didn’t sound like such a bad idea until I said it out loud. He’s very nice.”
“Boo,” says Leif. “Nice and pleasant.”
“You think he’d be a dud in the sack?” asks Clem.
“Bound to be.”
“You could always set her up with Rahul,” suggests Ed. “He owns a tattoo parlor in town. Good guy. I have no idea nor do I want to know what he’s like in bed, however.”
“Not Rahul.” Leif crosses his arms over his chest. “Tattoos aren’t really her thing.”
“I don’t have anything against tattoos,” I say, my gaze narrowed.
“Yeah, but you’re more traditional in your tastes generally. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”
My chin goes up. “And yet I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a compliment.”
“Just stating a fact, Anna. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or anything.”
Ed and Clem watch us, heads turning this way and that as if it were a tennis tournament.
“Yeah, but you kind of have anyway. Guess I’m sensitive when it comes to this sort of thing,” I say, settling into the argument. Discussion. Whatever.
Leif’s mouth opens, but nothing comes out.
“Since the way I approached life didn’t wind up working out for me so well, maybe altering my view of things or previous tastes is a good idea.”
“Maybe it is.”
“I could date someone outside of my immediate experience without the world ending. Someone with tattoos might be fun.”
“If you wanted to,” he says, sounding a bit tense. “Sure.”
“It might even be good for me to try new things.”
A nod. “Yeah. I just didn’t . . .”
“You just didn’t what?” I prod.
His gaze slides over me, assessing. Lines furrow his forehead and his lips are thin. “I’m not trying to cage you in, Anna. Do what you like. I was just looking out for you is all.”
Clem and Ed share a look. No idea what it means.
A small smile lights Leif’s face as he steps closer. “That felt weird. Hug it out with me.”
“It was just a small disagreement.”
His arms open, enveloping me in heaven. There’s no other word for it as he rocks me gently from side to side. “You’re right and I’m wrong. There. Done.”
I wrap my arms around his waist. How can I resist?
“You’re very cuddly,” he says. “This is nice.”
“It is.”
“Now that we live together, we can do this all the time. Isn’t that great?” he asks.
“Very.”
Clem makes a noise in her throat.
Leif turns his head. “What?”
“Nothing,” she says with a smile in her voice. “Nothing at all.”
And she’s got a point. I step back, covering my chest by crossing my arms for various secret reasons. Fine. Because of hard nipples. Ye Lords, the embarrassment. Leif is a consummate flirt. I’ve already seen it many times. It doesn’t mean anything when he acts sweet and I’d be a fool to lose touch with that fact. A fool with a hopeless crush on her roommate. A silly individual whose lady parts need to cease and desist. Surely I know better than that?
I do not know better than that. This is made clear in no time at all.
It’s about one in the morning on my first night of sharing the condo. I don’t know what woke me. A disturbance in the force, maybe. Either that or some small noise caused by Leif doing push-ups on the living room floor like his life depends on it. That he’s doing them in only a pair of gray sweatpants is something I’m just going to ignore. The way they adhere to his butt is a thing of beauty, though. How the dim lighting and sheen of sweat on his bare back accentuates the long, lean slabs of muscle and dips of his spine. This really is something.
Being sexually aware of other men in my life is no big deal now (mostly). The rush of guilt and longing to hide it all away is fading. Since I’m no longer attached to Ryan, save for some paperwork that’s in the process of being filed, I’m making my peace with the situation. I’m done with any and all forms of suffering due to my ex’s bad choices. Feelings and hormones and all of those things can come back on line. Weird how it only seems to happen around my new roommate, though.