“I don’t want to try again. I want them.”
“I know, baby sister, I know.” She hugs me tightly. “Why don’t you go upstairs and lie down? I’ll take care of things around here.”
“You’re watching the store tomorrow. I can’t ask you to do it all day today too.”
“You didn’t ask. I volunteered. I’m here, I’m home, and my sister needs me. Let me do this. Please?”
“I love you. I’ve missed you so much.” I hug her again as more tears fall.
“I love you too. Go, get some rest.”
I nod and head up to my apartment. My heart aches. The pain of losing Grayson and the girls as part of my life is worse than I could have ever imagined. I wish I knew how to help him through his pain. I wish I knew what it would take to prove to him that I don’t want to replace her in their life.
I just want a chance to be a part of it.
Chapter 24
Grayson
“Fuck!” I scream, pounding my fists on my desk.
“That make you feel better?” Canaan asks.
“Fuck off.”
“Yeah, I think I’ll stay,” he says, taking the chair across from my desk. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit. I walk in on you yelling at Laken, the woman you love. The same woman who has put a smile on your face and the face of your daughters’ the last few months. That’s not nothing, Grayson.”
“Stay out of it.”
“Nope. You see, that’s not what friends do. We don’t stay out of it. What’s going on in your head, man? You just broke things off with her.”
“I know what I did,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Did she cheat on you?”
“No. Laken would never.”
“Did she lie to you?”
“No.”
“Did she steal from you?”
“No.”
“Is the sex bad?”
“Enough!” I boom.
He grins. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. So, what’s the problem?”
I sigh, sitting back in my chair. “Nothing. We just… rolled into this thing really fast, and we need to slow it down.”
“Yeah, I’m going to call bullshit on that one too.”
“Leave it alone, Canaan.”
“Let me ask you this, and then I’ll leave it be. For now. When you look into the future in five years, who do you see standing next to you with the girls? I know you lost Holly. It was tragic, and I know if you had your choice, you wouldn’t be in this situation, but you are, Grayson. Holly is gone. So tell me. Five years from now, who is it that stands next to you? How about ten? Fifteen? Twenty?”
I don’t answer him because we both already know it’s Laken. I loved my wife with every fiber of my being, but the love I have for Laken, it’s… different. I can’t explain it. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve loved and lost, or if our connection is just that much stronger, but I feel the loss of her walking out of my office, out of my life, like an elephant sitting on my chest.
“Give yourself some time to really think about what I’m asking, Grayson. Then you need to pull your head out of your ass and go get your girl.”
“Are you done?” I ask him.
He raises his hand in defense and stands. “Let me know if you need help wooing your girl.”
“Fuck off,” I say for the second time. His laughter follows him out of my office. Burying my face in my hands, I fight off the tears that threaten to fall. I’m a mess.
I love Laken. I’ve given her my heart. She loves my daughters, but the guilt…. Fuck, I can’t get past the guilt that threatens to strangle me.
I spend the rest of the day locked in my office. Thankfully, it was quiet, and we didn’t have any runs. I don’t look over at the bookstore as I pass it on my way to pick up the girls from my mom. I can’t. It hurts too much to know she’s in there, and I’m pushing her away. I just don’t know how else to handle it. It’s too much.
Ten minutes later, I’m pulling into my parents’ driveway. I don’t bother knocking, opting for letting myself inside.
“Daddy!” the girls call out when they see me and race toward me. “How was you day?” Harlow asks.
“It was a long day. How about you?” I ask my daughter.
“Waken is sick, Daddy. We need to take her a blankie,” Hayden announces.
My eyes find my mom’s. “We went for story time today, but Lenora was watching the store. She said that Laken wasn’t feeling well.”
“I’m sure she has a blankie of her own,” I tell her.
“But, Daddy. If Waken is our new mommy, we hafta take care of her,” Harlow replies.
My heart drops to my toes. “Girls, we’ve talked about this. Your mommy is in heaven.”
“Girls, why don’t we go pack up your things?” my dad suggests.