When a few minutes went by, and she didn’t answer, I went from feeling down to feeling angry. What I should’ve done was go the hell home. But instead, I buzzed again.
“Autumn, are you going to talk to me?”
No response.
I was hurt and sad and so damn frustrated. So I buzzed again and looked up at the camera. “You know what your problem is? You got a damn trophy. No one has to work hard when you get a damn trophy just for showing up. But life is hard, Autumn.” I leaned my head against the door and mumbled. “Life is fucking hard.” I shut my eyes, and I think I might’ve started to fall asleep standing there. After a minute, I forced my eyes open and pushed off the door. I was drunk and emotionally drained and filled with so much pent-up anger that beating that douchebag didn’t even begin to take the edge off. My anger was not directed at Autumn, though in my drunken haze, I lashed out at anyone. I held up my middle finger to the camera. “Fuck everything!”
CHAPTER 35
* * *
Donovan
I woke to the shake of a subway car at six in the morning. Shit. I lifted my head. Where the hell was I? The woman across from me gave me a dirty look and put her arm around her kid.
“Sorry.”
She looked away.
What the hell happened last night? I remembered the partner announcements at the office, and going to visit Bud. But everything after that was a bit blurry.
Oh, wait. I’d gone over to Autumn’s place, but she hadn’t been home. Then I’d wandered into some bar.
The train pulled into a station. It wasn’t mine, but I needed some fresh air, so I hopped off and walked up the stairs about half a mile from my apartment. As I reached the top, a homeless guy was sitting next to the entrance. That jogged my memory some more.
Fred. I’d downed disgusting bourbon with a guy named Fred at the bar for a few hours. Then there was a belligerent stop back at Autumn’s apartment, which ended with me giving the finger to the security camera. After that, on my way to the train station, a homeless person had asked me for money. He’d been sitting outside a liquor store, so I went in and bought a bunch of those small bottles they serve on planes and proceeded to take a seat next to the guy. We drank every single one of the bottles together. No wonder I feel like shit. I couldn’t be sure, but I think I might’ve cried at one point. Great. Just great. You’re really pulling your shit together when Autumn needs you, Decker.
On my walk home, I stopped at a deli and picked up some orange juice and Motrin. By the time I made it to my apartment, I was ready to crash for a few hours. I had no idea how long I’d slept on the train, only that it wasn’t enough. It felt like I could pass out and not wake up for days. I even leaned against the elevator wall as I rode the car up to my floor.
Happy to be close to crash landing on my bed, I stepped out of the elevator with my head down and my mind in a thick fog. But a few steps down the hall and it felt like someone had put the paddles on my chest and jolted me awake.
Had I fallen asleep in the elevator and I was dreaming?
My stride, which had been lumbering at best, suddenly picked up as I made my way down the hall. And my heart followed right along.
Autumn sat on the floor next to my door looking down at her phone, but she stood once she saw me.
“Hey, sorry for stopping by without calling,” she said.
“You never need to call first.”
She looked me up and down. My clothes were a wrinkled mess, and I’m sure my face was covered in stubble. “Were you…out all night?”
I nodded. “I went by your place. You weren’t home, so I stopped at a bar a few blocks away and had a little too much to drink. I woke up on the subway.”
“That doesn’t sound like you.”
I blew out a deep breath. “Apparently I haven’t been acting like myself a lot lately.”
Autumn nodded. “I stayed at Skye’s last night.”
She looked tired, even though she was still absolutely gorgeous. Her green eyes were puffy and had small streaks of red in them, and under her eyes was dark and hollow.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Yeah. Do you think we can talk?”
“Of course.” I unlocked my apartment door and opened it for her to walk through first. She went straight to the living room.
I tossed my keys on the adjoining kitchen counter. “You want coffee?”