Rachael jumped up, cookies falling off her chest. “So tell him!”
“What?” I practically screamed. “Are you insane?”
“Maybe? I’ve had a lot of sugar tonight, but that doesn’t matter. You need to tell him.”
“Why? What is that going to accomplish? Except, you know, humiliation.”
Slowly, Rachael sat back down. “I bet he loves you back. I bet you guys live happily ever after. Like Molly Ringwald and Judd Nelson.”
I scrunched my face at her comparison. “We have no idea if Molly and Judd live happily ever after. For all we know, when school started back up again she went back to being the princess and he went back to being the outcast. That’s probably what happened. So if I’m Molly and Foster is Judd, then we’re screwed. Actually, I’m probably Judd in this scenario.”
Rachael stared at me with her mouth open for a good two minutes before shaking her head and saying, “Holy shit girl, you are way over thinking this. Like just take a cookie, or a brownie, or a glass of wine, and chill the fuck out.”
“You”—I pointed a finger at Rachael—“are way under-thinking this. If anyone finds out about us, Foster is fired and I’m…” Well, I didn’t know what I would be. Expelled? “I don’t know, but I know I’m not in a g
ood place. Maybe my scholarship would get taken away.”
“Why do people have to find out?”
“Because!” I said, practically ripping my hair out. “I’m so tired of hiding. We only exist in shadows.”
“Over exaggerate much?”
I shrugged, wanting the conversation to be over.
“Promise me that you will tell Foster how you feel,” Rachael pressed.
“Okay,” I relented.
“Pinky promise,” Rachael clarified, eyeing me down with her pinky extended. I sighed, giving her my pinky. Years later and pinky promises were still the epitome of our trust. If I broke a pinky promise then Rachael would get to break my pinky finger. Still, I couldn’t help but think that a broken finger was better than a broken heart.
* * *
I skipped Friday’s class, opting instead to hide outside the building. It may have been cowardly, but I just couldn’t see Foster. I needed time to think. Sure, I’d promised Rachael I would tell Foster that I was falling for him, but it was easier said than done. I stood outside his building for a good three hours before gaining the courage to walk inside. When I finally did, it took me another hour to actually go to his office. After finally gaining the courage to go to his office, he was just walking out.
“Nora,” Foster said, surprise lacing his voice.
“Hi,” I said, my voice small.
“Why haven’t you been responding to my texts and calls? What’s going on? You weren’t in class either.”
I love you, I wanted to say. This relationship has become the most important thing in my life. More important than school. More important than my career. More important than Nutella, even. I’m scared, Foster. I’m scared because you’re my professor and our relationship can’t be anything more than that.
But I didn’t say any of that. I didn’t get the chance. Just as I was about to tell Foster how head over heels completely in love with him I was, he said, “Nora, I’ve been thinking.”
I swallowed, bracing myself.
“I think we should stop this before it gets out of hand. If we were to get caught, I could get fired and you could get your scholarship taken away. I know how hard you worked for that, not to mention it would really hinder your chances at employment in the future.”
I nodded, swallowing the tears bubbling up in my throat.
“Nora?” Foster asked, touching my shoulder. “What do you think? Are you okay?”
“Yeah that’s great,” I said, spinning around so he couldn’t see my red face. I started walking down the hall, away from him. I was hoping I could keep the tears in long enough to make it home, but they had a will of their own. Tears broke through when I was only halfway down the hall. I broke out in a sprint.
“Nora!” I heard Foster calling after me, but I couldn’t look. Tears were streaming down my face and I had to get out of the building. I needed to get back to my dorm so I could crawl under the covers and never come out.
7