I never knew that it’d get me so filled with rage and that at the same time it’d light a fire in me that way. I knew, when I’d been berating her, spanking her, fucking her, that I was doing damage to her, to us, but I couldn’t get a lock on it. I’d let it bubble over, I’d gone over the edge with her to a point that might’ve been the point of no return. That’s why I guess I had her put the necklace on me, I needed her to know I was past it, that I could still be sweet, maybe even be the ice cream shop guy she dreamt of sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes. I needed her to know I had that other side o
f me but that I was done. For the time being, anyway. I didn’t know what would happen now. The look on her face, how distraught she was, it wasn’t just about what I’d done, it was about who I was. It was about how crushed her hopes and dreams for our relationship now were. I’d fucked up huge, probably irreparably.
I got out and dried off and I found her in bed. She was wearing a white tank top and white underwear that looked like short shorts when I pulled the blankets back. Her back was turned to me.
I curled into her back, ignoring the sting of her tightening, and nuzzled in and kissed the back of her neck. Her hair was still a little bit damp and it smelled different, like the hotel shampoo. I wanted it to smell like vanilla, oats, and honey, like cookies, like it had the night I played guitar while we watched the sunset over the pond at my safe house when all felt right in the world. Everything right now felt wrong. I was wrong. So fucking wrong. I whispered in her ear, “I’m so sorry, baby. I’ll fix it.”
She stiffened even further so I knew she heard me but she said nothing. I leaned over and turned her so that she faced me and her cheek was against my chest. I stroked her throat where I’d marked her and fell asleep with my nose buried in her hair.
** ** **
In the morning I woke up fifteen minutes before my phone alarm went off and for a split second I panicked that she wasn’t beside me. But then I saw her. For the first time, she wasn’t draped over me. She was huddled into a ball on the bottom of the bed, no blankets on her, and she was asleep but she was shivering. Pretty poignant to me that in her deep sleep she was that repelled by me that she wasn’t even seeking warmth. If someone had just ripped my heart out of my chest I doubt it’d hurt as much as seeing her like that. I had to figure out how to fucking fix this.
I climbed down to the bottom of the bed and curled into her back and wrapped my arms around her. She didn’t nuzzle in to my warmth. She continued shivering. I reached in between her legs and started to circle her clit with my fingers. She stilled. She wasn’t wet. She wasn’t opening up for me like she usually did. If I had any decency I’d leave her alone and let her recover from what I’d put her through but I had no decency. None.
I wasn’t giving up until I made her shatter and willingly wrap her arms around me. I needed that right now. I needed it more than my next breath. I needed to know we were gonna survive this, that I hadn’t lost her.
I kept going but she wasn’t giving me anything. She was trembling with fear now, instead of just the cold, and I knew she was awake and afraid. I decided to pull out the moves and kissed her from her shoulder all the way down to her hip and then I turned her onto her back and pulled down her panties and started lapping at and prodding her clit with my tongue. Her eyes were squeezed shut tight and her bottom lip was sucked in; a deep V between her eyes.
After a long time and a fuck of a lot of effort, it didn’t seem like it’d get me anywhere. I worked two fingers in and finger fucked her hard and fast while working her clit with alternating sucking and tongue action and fuck me but I felt elation when I finally tasted some of her moisture. Her breathing went shallow and then she let out a little moan and then a little gasp. About fucking time.
Then she was clawing at my arms and pulling on my hair and then she tried to pull away and I knew she didn’t really want away, she was only reacting to the intensity of it. Then she squirted. The way she jumped, almost five feet in the air, and said, “The fuck?” made me laugh.
I tackled her to the bed and kissed her all over her face, a succession of powerful smooches all over her gorgeous face. I expected she’d be all loose and covered in an awesome sex glow but instead she was crimson and shaking her head and her hand was over her mouth. Tears unshed filled her eyes. They looked so green. So shiny. So fucking sad.
“You squirted,” I told her matter-of-factly, looking down at my wet chest. She looked at me like I was speaking Greek, “Women can ejaculate, too, you know.” I added.
She shook her head. She had no idea what I was talking about.
“Baby, it takes a very skilled lover to pull that off. Many try and fail. Many women never get to experience it. Congratulations.”
My cockiness did nothing to help my cause. She hid her face, mortified. I got up and grabbed her wrist and tugged to get her to follow me to the shower. She wouldn’t look at me in the eyes. I knew that other than getting to watch her fall apart completely that my efforts hadn’t given me a damn thing.
Tia
When I’d woken up at the wrong end of the bed with him all over me, I wanted to die. I’d climbed down there when I couldn’t get to sleep in his arms. I needed space. I had contemplated sleeping on the sofa but suspected he’d be pissed and be more than happy to dole out another punishment if I dared sleep somewhere else. After he washed and shampooed me, trying to be all sweet and attentive again in the shower, he got washed and shampooed and then he left me in there. I stayed in there until I was pruny. When I finally got out, he was gone. He wasn’t in the sitting room or the bathrooms either. I checked the stupid iPhone and there was a text from him.
“Baby, gone to a meeting. See you in a few hours. Order breakfast. Go down to the spa too (take Nino & Jimmy) and I’ll text you in a bit with the name of who to see at a boutique for you to pick a dress, shoes, and whatever for tonight. We have a dinner and show thing with my associates. I left a credit card for you. Pin 5683. Get whatever you want! Text me when you get this. Xo. ”
I replied, “Ok.” Then I knocked on the adjoining room’s door. Nino opened it. He eyed me warily. I was surprised neither of them was stationed in here with me after yesterday.
“I’m about to order room service. Do you two want anything?
“No,” he grunted.
“I’m sorry.” I said, looking him in the eye, “I’m sure I put you in a bad position yesterday and I’m sorry about that. I let my, uh, emotions get the better of me. I hope you didn’t catch too much slack.”
His mouth turned up into a smile, “It’s okay, doll. And no, we’re good.” He winked. I think I garnered some respect by speaking up and apologizing. Then I saw his eyes land on my throat, “You alright?”
I nodded and pulled my robe tighter, “I’ll be booking a spa appointment and” I heard my phone ding, “some visit to a dress shop or something. I’ll let you know about that?”
He smiled and nodded, “I’ve already got the details. Get breakfast. Then let us know when you’re ready to go.”
I nodded.
It was already 11:45 and I wasn’t surprised, since I saw the sun rise before I finally fell asleep. I looked at the phone.
Tommy had texted a boutique name and address and the name Suzette and wrote that I should call down to the hotel spa, that they had an appointment for me. I replied with a “Thanks” He replied back with three x’s.