I touch a brass plate on the wall and the elevator doors slide open. The guards stand and stare. Touch the plate inside the elevator and the doors close and we start up.
“So far Hell is a barrel of monkeys,” says Candy.
“You ought to come on Halloween. Everyone dresses up like The Brady Bunch. Seriously. The show is huge down here.”
Her heart isn’t just beating fast, it’s trying to pound its way out of her chest and hop a plane to Bora Bora.
“You couldn’t have walked us into Lucifer’s living room or something?” she says.
“That would be rude. I stuck the guy here, I have to show him a little respect.”
She takes a couple of deep breaths.
“Sorry. I thought I was more ready for this. I’ve seen some crazy Lurker stuff, but . . .”
“But not a whole world of it? Don’t feel bad. No one’s prepared for this dump.”
“So this is where Sandman Slim comes from.”
“Yep.”
“You killed a lot of those guys down here.”
“Don’t be sexist. There are women Hellions too. And I killed pretty much everything down here at one time or other. And when I wasn’t doing it in the arena, Azazel, my old slave master, was sending me out to kill anyone on his shit list. Until I killed him.”
“The monster who kills monsters.”
“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.” Then, “Nothing’s going to happen to you. I promise.”
“I believe you.”
She lets go of my hand and loops her arm in mine. We must look funny and weirdly formal when the doors open, like kids dressing up in their parents’ clothes.
“James, so good to see you,” says Mr. Muninn.
I’m not sure he means it, but he gives me a quick hug, something he’s never done before. He must really be smarting to see someone besides neurotic Hellions. Now I feel bad I didn’t come down sooner.
Mr. Muninn is entirely black. Like squid-ink black. He’s also as round as a beach ball. He’s dressed in a long brocade robe woven with a subtle fire pattern. Under it glitters Lucifer’s battle armor, the ultimate symbol of power down here. It lets everyone know who’s in charge. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to call him Lucifer or what, so I just take a shot.
“Nice to see you too, Mr. Muninn.”
He smiles. He’s already tired of being called Lucifer and all the thousand toadying variations you get with the penthouse. I know how he feels.
“You’ve brought a friend,” he says.
Muninn looks a little bemused, like I’m a neighbor kid who brought a stray cougar cub into the living room. Is that how Muninn sees Candy? I hadn’t thought about how he might react to a Jade. Maybe I’m overthinking it. I’ve dragged a civilian down with me into the worst place in existence and he probably doesn’t approve.
>“How is Allegra?”
“Well. She has trained two competent assistants.” He looks at Candy. “She misses you working beside her.” He looks at me. “And believe it or not, she misses you.”
Allegra didn’t take it well when she found out that I’d become Lucifer. She accused me of all kinds of nefarious shit. Mostly Sunday school stuff, which I didn’t expect from her. We haven’t spoken much since.
“Maybe we ought to keep it that way,” I say. “Whenever we get near each other, someone says something stupid.”
“Someone?” asks Candy.
“Okay. Me.”