I frown suddenly. “I expected the other girls to drag you away from me.” As my maids dressed me tonight, they told me that of the original dozen who were invited to stay at the castle, six have been sent home. I wonder if Sebastian’s interested in the girls who remain. Once he discovers my deception, will he be happy to choose one of them?
He tears his gaze off a group of dancers and looks at me. “I have us glamoured so the humans can’t see that we’re here.” He grins at me. “I wasn’t about to miss out on spending tonight with you.”
I want to shake him and tell him I don’t deserve the adoration in his eyes. I’m the worst. A liar. A thief. A manipulator. Instead, I give my empty glass to a passing servant and loop my arms behind Sebastian’s neck. “Then perhaps we should dance while we have the chance.”
He slides his hands around to the small of my back and pulls me closer. I rest my head on his chest and sway to the music. My first night in Faerie, the music was a syncopated, drugging rhythm that lured me into its thrall. This is different. If anything, this music reminds me of home. It reminds me of my mother playing the piano while Jas and I played with our dolls. It reminds me of the dances my cousins attended while I was busy cleaning and trying to make my payment to Madame V. It reminds me of what I could be building with Sebastian if I didn’t need to trick him to save my sister.
It is precious memory and missed opportunity. It is the bitter and the sweet.
Sensing the shift in my mood, Sebastian pulls back to look down at me. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
There’s your opening, Brie. I hesitate, wanting to be Bash and Brie for a little longer. But I don’t have time for hesitation. “I was thinking how, after a night like this, I might like to spend an entire day in bed reading.” I hate myself for exploiting this moment, but I make myself smile up at him. “Do you think you could show me the libraries? That way I can lose myself in a book next time you have to leave me for days.”
His eyes dance with amusement. “You know I don’t actually like leaving you, but I can’t avoid my responsibilities either.” The humor leaves his face, and his hand rubs small, gentle circles at the small of my back. “Even if our time together is limited.”
Limited because I don’t want to marry him. Limited because he needs to choose a bride by the next new moon.
I bow my head and shut my eyes against the pain of it. I never imagined my heart would ache for a faerie, yet here I am.
“I can’t have you looking so distressed on Litha. That won’t do.” Before I can appease his worries and pretend that I’m fine, he takes my arm and leads me back into the palace.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ve asked so little of me in your time here. If you want to see the library, I’m going to take you to it right away.”
My heart races, and I don’t bother to hide my smile. I didn’t expect him to take me tonight. Maybe I could snag the book while everyone else is distracted by the party.
“You know,” he says as we walk, “you were reading the first time I saw that terrible closet you called a bedroom in Fairscape.”
“You remember that?” I know I remember. I hadn’t known Sebastian long and was mortified that Jas brought the handsome apprentice down to our cellar. I didn’t want him to see the reality of our lives.
“You were curled in the corner of the bed, completely absorbed in that book, as if it didn’t matter that you lived this brutal existence and had only a tiny room to call your own. It didn’t matter that you had to work so hard for everything. When you were reading, you were somewhere else. You were someone else.”
He’d noticed so much more about me than I ever realized.
“My mother taught us to read and to appreciate the power of stories,” I say. “After she left, stories were the only thing that helped Jas when she missed our mother. Stories helped both of us work through that.”
He cuts a curious look to me. “I’m surprised you haven’t asked about your sister lately.”
“I . . .” I watch my feet as we walk. Right. Since he thinks I returned the mirror, he has no way of knowing how obsessively I use it to check on her. “I guess I try not to think about it.”
“Hey.” He squeezes my hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know I’m still working on it. My spies have narrowed her location down. I have soldiers heading there now. I don’t want to get your hopes up, but . . .”