“Have you ever been with a woman?”
“Yeah. A few of them. In high school and then my first year in college.”
“Oh. I don’t know why I wondered. That probably helped you to know, right?”
“That’s a hard question to answer. I think I always knew. I mean, I was attracted to men. I liked the way they looked, and when I got hard, it was always to thoughts of men, but I tried to deny it. I told myself I needed to see what it was like, to see if women did the same thing for me. There was a physical response, but it wasn’t right. It wasn’t authentic.”
“That makes sense. So…the blowjob thing?” There was a quiet vulnerability to Darren’s voice that was more pronounced than any I’d heard from him before. It made my pulse race and this softness fill my chest.
“Well…I like getting men off, so there’s that. There’s something empowering about it, about being in control that way, pleasuring someone, hearing their moans and breathless words when they urge you on.” My dick did more than twitch now; it was hard beneath my boxer briefs, pulsing with blood.
“And?”
Fuck, I was such an asshole for this, but I couldn’t stop my hand from slipping down, cupping myself, then shoving my underwear down and slowly stroking my shaft.
“I like feeling a guy’s hand in my hair. I like the pull and to have my face fucked because that shows him how skilled I am at head.”
“Shit.” Darren’s curse was rough, hoarse.
I fumbled in my nightstand, grabbed my lube, and slicked up. I had no idea what I was doing, what we were doing, but it felt good and I wasn’t going to stop. I didn’t think I could force myself even if I wanted to.
“I like to see how deep I can take him, swallow around his cock and then fucking soar when he gasps and tells me how good I am for him.” I tightened my hold, but still stroked slowly. I didn’t want to lose it, didn’t want him to know what I was doing, that I was getting off talking to him about this. I felt like a perv.
“Jeremy?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m hard…”
Lust shot through me, went straight to my balls, and I almost blew right then. “Fuck, me too. I, um…have my cock in my hand right now.”
I waited. Listened to him breathing. Hoped I hadn’t gone too far.
The quiet was broken by a rustling sound, and then Darren said, “Me too. Goddamn, I can’t believe how hard I am. I need to come so bad.”
That was all the encouragement I needed to keep going. “I like to take a guy to the edge, then pull off right before he comes, bring him back to earth before I drive him to the edge again.”
Darren’s breathing sped up, and my strokes quickened along with it.
“I love the smell—sex, musk, man. Jesus, I practically get drunk off it. I love playing with his balls, sucking and lapping at them before swallowing his cock again. All those little noises a man makes for me, it goes straight to my head.”
“Keep going…” Darren said huskily.
“I do, when I’m blowing a guy, I always keep going. I like to choke on it too…fuck, maybe it doesn’t sound like it, but there’s so much power in that, in giving yourself to a man that way, pleasuring him, working for the load in his balls. That’s the best part, when he can’t hold back anymore. When his cock jerks against my tongue and he gives in to me, shooting. There’s nothing like earning a mouthful of come.”
“Fuck…fuck…” Darren gritted out. I knew he’d just busted, and I wondered what he was wearing. If he was naked and had spilled on his shirt or his chest, and how big he was. What it would be like to see him, that it was me on my knees, giving him my mouth.
“Shit…me too!” I bowed off the bed, my orgasm making me see stars. My release landed on my shirt, spurted all over my hand as I worked it all out of my balls.
And then…silence.
“I’m sorry,” I finally said, though I didn’t know what I was apologizing for. He’d been as into it as I was.
“Nah, don’t worry. It’s cool,” Darren replied, but something was off about his voice. “It was just jerking off over the phone. It’s not like we touched each other.”
His words woke me up from whatever fantasy I’d been having, like ice water dousing the flames dancing along my skin.
Darren was my friend, and not into men. He might be cool with joking around and talking sex, but he would never want me. He didn’t want to touch me. What we’d done was only okay because there was no physical contact. “Yep, it’s not like we did.” The words were bitter on my tongue. Fuck, this was the dumbest thing I’d ever done. Why was I letting myself crush on Darren? “I, um…I need to go.”