“I also told myself I wouldn’t, yet earlier I was hinting at the whole blowjob discussion when said jerking off happened, so looks like both of us went back on that.”
Yeah…I guessed we had. We were quiet for a few moments. My thoughts were all twisted up in my head, and I felt like I wanted to say something but didn’t know what. When I opened my mouth, I was surprised by my, “You can stay with me.”
Jeremy didn’t look at me, just stared out the window, maybe at the lights moving by. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why? I have space. You’d have your own room. Just like any buddy visiting from out of town.” I knew that was the wrong thing to say by the way the words had stuck in my throat and Jeremy’s sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I feel like I do.”
“Let’s not talk about this.”
I nodded, respecting his wishes, but damned if I didn’t feel bummed he’d said no.
We didn’t talk much the rest of the drive to his hotel, and when we did, it was all safe topics.
It was a quick goodbye, Jeremy thanking me for the ride, giving me a brief smile, and getting out.
Back in my room, naked and in bed, I texted him.
Me: Movies at home or going to the theater?
Angel: Home. You?
Me: Same.
Why did it make my stomach do flips that we both would rather watch movies at home? It was such a small thing to care about.
Me: It was good seeing you today.
Angel: You too. Sorry if I made things weird.
Me: You didn’t. Sorry if I did.
Angel: So…I beat you at football tonight. Thinking about changing my Instagram bio and adding that.
I laughed. Fucking Jeremy. He was so damn good at making me do that.
Me: Everyone gets lucky once. Is it strange that we’re ending the day this way, even when we’re close? Part of me feels like you’re in Cali because we’re texting, and the other part knows you’re right here in the same city as me. Feels like I’m missing out on something…you being in Atlanta but not with me.
My pulse thudded in my ears. Why the fuck had I said that? I swear he was messing with my head. Or…I was messing with my head? Jeremy hadn’t made me do anything, but what I’d said had been true. I’d never felt that sort of…longing for anyone before.
When he didn’t message back right away, I texted again.
Me: That was dumb. I don’t know why I said that.
Angel: It wasn’t dumb. I liked it…
I liked making him happy.
Me: Good.
Angel: I should go.
I ignored the disappointment burning through me.
Me: See you tomorrow. Night, Angel.
Angel: Good night, Troublemaker.
We were at the center, the four of us, and had been for a few hours. Even though they’d only purchased it a couple of years ago, they were noticing that they were already running out of space. They’d done some reorganization, and Anson and I, together with a few volunteers who used the center’s services, were helping paint one of the common social areas.
I hadn’t gotten to spend much time with Jeremy. He was busy working with West. They came in and out from time to time, but it was often passing through and not for Jeremy to just sit and talk with me the way I wanted. While I could tell he was in his zone and I knew the work he was doing was important, I was also suddenly a needy little bastard and wanted to kidnap him so I could have him all to myself.
This was new for me. When had I ever wanted to be around someone as much as I wanted to be around Jeremy?
And it was still all jumbled up in my head. He was different for me, I wanted him, and in some respects, that changed who I’d always thought I’d been as a person. I wasn’t sure how to come to terms with that.
Anson and I were working on different walls when I saw movement in my periphery. I looked over my shoulder and saw Jeremy walk in, a guy with him I didn’t recognize. The guy wore slacks and a button-up, short-sleeved shirt that I had to admit, he filled out nicely. He had a broad chest and muscular arms. He clearly worked out.
Jeremy was talking to him, pointing at things in the room, likely explaining something to him. The guy replied, and Jeremy dropped his head back and laughed, a real laugh, one that started low in his belly…and I felt tension swirling in mine.
Jeremy’s gaze darted to me, making mine quickly jerk away.
Don’t stare at him. Stop being a weird-ass creeper.
I knelt and dipped my roller in the paint, and as I tried to get the excess off, my eyes drifted toward them again. They were still talking. Jeremy wasn’t looking at me now. The guy touched his arm, and they both chuckled. It felt like someone had stuck a hot poker through my chest.