Stunned, I look back at the therapist wide-eyed because she’s definitely stumped me. It never entered my mind that Patton would feel responsible, but just the little I know of him—and the fact he was there when it all happened—well, it’s definitely possible. That could explain so much.
Dr. Stevens looks at me sympathetically. “Cora, you more than anyone know how soldiers react. Even though we may know they’re not responsible, sometimes it’s hard for them to disconnect and realize the truth of the situation. All we can do is be there for them and listen to them.”
I nod, agreeing with everything she’s saying. At least until she continues. “And it’s been a year, Cora. If he’s still avoiding your calls... well, it may be time to move on. It might just be too painful of a reminder talking to you... with your brother gone.”
I feel her words straight to the heart. Could that be it? Could it be too painful for him to even talk to me? And if so, can I really just forget about him?
PATTON
“It’s Cora, again. Just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay. I haven’t heard from you for a long time even though I keep leaving messages. I hope I have the right number. Call me and catch me up on what’s new with you, okay? Bye.” I hit the button to delete the message. The same feeling I get every time she calls surges through me. I have so much remorse and guilt for everything that happened with Jason that sometimes it’s all I can think about. But when I hear Cora’s voice, it brings a whole new level of guilt. The thoughts I have for Cora I shouldn’t be having. Besides being innocent and happy, she’s my deceased best friend’s little sister. She doesn’t need me or my shit.
I must have pushed the wrong number because the message starts to play again, and hearing her voice again picks me up and takes me back to that moment when I allowed my attraction to Jason’s little sister to take over and I’d kissed her. Fuck, just thinking about it brings back all the memories from the first time I saw her when she was eighteen, to all the video calls where I’d jump in when she was talking to her brother and then of course, the kiss. It was her college graduation, and I remember all the strings I had to pull to get leave to go with Jason. He knew how hard I had to try to get the time off, but he never said a word to me about it. I’m sure he had no clue how attracted I was to his little sister. I figured he just thought I wanted the time off, but the truth was, I wanted to see her again. I knew nothing could ever come of it, but it was getting harder and harder to stay away. When she kissed me, it was a kiss that charged through me, making my whole body tremble in need. It startled me back to my senses, and I’d told her that it was a mistake. That she was just a kid, and I was too old for her. Regret hits me hard, but now after everything with Jason, there’s no changing it. There’s absolutely no chance for Cora and me now.
I hit the end button as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand trying to erase the feeling the memory stirred in my body. Will I ever forget how the touch of her lips felt against mine?
I hadn’t allowed myself to think of that kiss since Jason’s death. I’m ashamed that it surfaced from just hearing Cora’s voice. Her soft, hesitant tone on the recording sucks me in and makes me want things I shouldn’t. I’ve kept my distance from Cora. I’ve had to because there was no telling what kinds of lines I might have crossed if I hadn’t.
Jason deserves better than a best friend who let him down and then goes after his younger sister.
Don’t worry, Jason. I’m looking out for her and keeping my distance at the same time.
Of course, I’ve made it harder for myself. With my promise to Jason in mind, when I left the Army I moved to Tennessee knowing I wanted to stay close to Cora... just in case she ever needed me. When I was presented with the chance to work exclusively with veterans, I knew I couldn’t pass it up, but now that I’ve agreed to take the position at the veterans’ hospital that works with the therapy facility where Cora works, it’s going to make keeping that distance more challenging. But I must keep my promise to Jason. I can still remember it like it was yesterday when he begged me to take care of his sister. I fought him on it and tried to tell him that he was going to live to do it himself, but he knew he was dying. He grabbed my hand with way more strength than he should have had and made me promise to look out for her. I swore to him I would, and even now I haven’t taken it lightly. I left the Army six months after Jason died and moved to Tennessee to be closer to Cora. I may not talk to her, but I’ve kept my eye on her from afar. There have been so many close calls of her seeing me that I know I need to pull back, but I can’t. I’m drawn to her, and it’s a constant battle because I know I need to keep everything professional.