"You're doing it!" Aurelia whispered.
I cheated enough to peek at the wound with one eye. A glow no brighter than the bulla's had surrounded the wound and was carrying the infectious heat away. But it wasn't only the bulla's magic. I felt the mark on my shoulder at work and knew Radulf could sense it too. He said nothing, but I felt he was pleased. That bothered me, and I had to break from those thoughts to keep focused on my arm. When I looked again, I saw the skin closing back together, leaving only a thin red scar.
Beside me, both Crispus and Aurelia gasped. For my part, I couldn't believe what had happened. I shook my arm, expecting the wound to somehow reveal itself again, but not only was the limb as good as ever before, I was certain that it felt stronger.
Aurelia grabbed my arm to examine it for herself. When she looked up at me again, her smile was wide. "You didn't need the emotion this time. You just did the magic!"
"You have more power than you think," Crispus said proudly. "That's why you'll defeat Radulf, when the time comes."
"He knows the magic in the Divine Star much better than I do."
"But you have that same mark," Aurelia said. "You can learn the same magic."
"Let's test it," Crispus said. "Take off the bulla. We'll concentrate on only using that mark."
"I won't do that." Radulf's presence in my mind had vanished the moment my arm had healed, and I wasn't about to invite him back again. "Radulf knows when I use the mark, but not when I use the bulla. I'll practice using the bulla, but I won't do anything with the Divine Star unless I have to."
Aurelia and Crispus shrugged at each other, then Crispus said, "All right, but I don't want to risk being crushed by any more trees. Let's work on a smaller scale."
So for the rest of the afternoon, we did. They had me try to start a fire, which after two hours of concentration only produced a whiff of smoke. I mentioned that it was better than me exploding something, and although Crispus agreed, I did wonder if he'd rather have seen the explosion. Aurelia suggested a different tactic, and had me try to move the fallen tree without touching it. I tried, pouring every ounce of strength I had into making it move the slightest inch, but nothing happened. Nor could I throw a rock when they asked me to, or even raise it into the air.
"It seems that we can have either total destruction or nothing." Crispus sounded as discouraged as I felt.
Or rather, I was having trouble feeling much of anything at all. I was exhausted. Through slurred words, I said, "Releasing the whole of my magic is like sending a boulder down a hill. But controlling it is like keeping the boulder from rolling. Much harder."
"We can't keep pushing him like this," Aurelia said.
"The magic makes him stronger," Crispus argued.
"Yes, but it also pulls strength from me!" I said. "You might not see me working, but I am."
"Then let's rest," Crispus said. "We won't make progress otherwise."
Rustling sounds startled all of us to attention. Aurelia pulled out her knife, but quickly put it away when Valerius appeared in the field, accompanied by a host of servants with food and drink.
"I thought you might want some refreshment," he said.
Aurelia walked forward before it occurred to me that he had intended the food for all of us. So after a short hesitation I joined her, but noticed the senator motion for Crispus to stand aside with him for a private conversation. His servants offered us trays of hard-boiled eggs, figs, and some dried fish. I was eager to eat all of it, but my attention was distracted by Crispus and his father. The lines in Valerius's face seemed deeper than usual and I didn't like the way Crispus was nodding. The conversation obviously involved me, and I hated being kept out of it.
"What do you suppose Crispus is saying?" Aurelia whispered.
"That at best, my magic is uncontrollable, and at worst it's completely useless. They're having doubts about me, and rightly so."
Aurelia smiled grimly. "I know you're trying."
"Trying isn't good enough," I said. "Not for what's coming. That's what Crispus is telling his father."
Valerius put a hand on Crispus's shoulder, told him one more thing at which Crispus only shrugged, then Valerius turned to me. "Let's take a short walk. Crispus and Aurelia can rest here."
I wanted to point out that if anyone deserved a rest, it was me. But maybe that wasn't fair. Crispus and Aurelia were doing their best to help me produce magic, and running from it whenever I succeeded. They had to be exhausted too.
I walked with Valerius into the main part of his vineyard. The vines were thick with ripening grapes, creating a sweet perfume in the air that I loved to inhale and hold inside until I drew my next breath.
Valerius obviously had more serious matters on his mind. Once we were far from any listening ears, he said, "I'm sorry I was called away this morning. I had hoped to be here to help in your training."
"I just need more time. It might take years for me to learn this."
"Nonsense. Crispus tells me you healed that wound in your arm. I can see for myself that it's even better than I would have thought possible."