All I wanted was to leave the amphitheater now, while I still had the chance. I focused that thought inside my head and made a silent plea for help. I limped away from Crispus and leaned against a large column for support. It felt like Radulf had done more than steal my magic. He had stolen that part of me that kept my whole self intact. Worse still, Crispus and his father had let Radulf do it.
Crispus stepped forward and in a hushed voice said, "We needed you, Nic, to bring Radulf into the arena. You helped us, and now we'll help you."
Dizzy with exhaustion, I raised a hand to warn him back. I didn't want help. I didn't need any more of his help.
"My father already helped you survive the arena! We knew that if Radulf believed you had the key, he would leave you alive."
"That wasn't help! He wanted Radulf to kill me, and the Praetors to arrest Radulf. Then he could have the bulla."
Crispus cleared his throat. "Yes, that was a possibility. But he hoped you would live. Really, Nic, he did."
"Only because he wants my magic. And now that he's the presiding magistrate, he'll inherit the key to the Malice."
"Horatio said you have it."
"Well, I don't, and I wouldn't give it to you if I did! Even when you're made emperor, I won't give it to you. When will that be, Crispus? Next week perhaps?"
Crispus looked genuinely hurt, but he quickly recovered and said, "All that matters is you must listen. I've brought a message from my father."
"More lies?"
Crispus's expression was flat. "Just cold reality. Radulf will hunt you now more fiercely than ever. We both know he isn't finished with you yet."
In the face of his emotional void, my tone turned sour. "And your father only wants me to live, correct?"
"Yes, if you agree to help him get the amulets."
"That's why your father charged me with Senator Horatio's death," I said. "To force me to help him."
Crispus nodded. "There's nowhere else you can go to escape the penalty for that crime. But if you come with me, my father will pardon you, and protect you. He's all you have, even if you don't like what he stands for."
"And what's that?" I yelled. "Corruption? Murder? Lies?"
"He stands for Rome." Crispus drew a deep breath. "My father commands the Praetors now. They will fight Radulf."
I lowered my voice. "Radulf told me there was more to the Praetors than we know. Felix said they were dangerous. If that's true, your father is a fool to think he can control them."
Crispus's eyes darted sideways before he stepped toward me. "Maybe he can't. But it's better than fighting them, which is what you'll have to do if you walk away from here."
He reached out to steady me, but I stepped away. He withdrew his hand and said, "I'm sorry things had to go the way they did. I swear that I didn't know about any of this until Horatio took you away yesterday. I liked being your friend, and I hate what my father is doing as much as you do. But he's your only chance now. One side or the other will get you if you try to survive on your own."
Exactly as Radulf had told me.
I started to walk away, but stumbled. Crispus grabbed my arm and pulled me outside. If it hadn't been for him, I'd have rolled down the marble steps. "Come with me. We have food at home and you can rest there as long as you want. Once you're ready, we'll continue training you in magic and then you will stand at my father's side as the Praetor War begins."
"Nic, are you all right?" Aurelia came running toward us until she saw Crispus, and her eyes narrowed. "You can't be serious about going with him."
"I'm not." I hobbled away from Crispus. "Tell your father that I will not help him with anything again, ever. And I will never accept anything from you."
"Then where will you go? You can barely walk right now."
His answer came at just that moment. The sound of flapping wings caught my attention and Caela landed on the ground directly in front of us. With my loss of magic, I was amazed that she'd heard my silent call, and even more amazed that she'd answered. It was the greatest relief to see her again.
I held out a hand to Aurelia. "Come with me."
She shifted her weight and backed away from me. "You put up the shield to defend me -- I felt it when you did -- but I wasn't the one being attacked. You defended the wrong person in there."
That hurt as much as if she'd slapped me. Maybe I deserved it, but I still wanted her to understand it through my eyes. "You saw what happened. There was nothing I could've done."