We talked for a long time after that, though most of it was similar to what Radulf had already told me. About Caesar's assassination, Diana's rebellion, and Jupiter's attempt to stop a war amongst the gods. Things bigger than I'd ever expected to deal with when I was in the mines. Back then, I had been responsible for my sister's life and for keeping two steps ahead of my master, Sal. Now I had a role to play in a war between the gods. And greater still, the life of my mother depended upon me giving the Praetors a key. A key I did not have.
"Radulf suggested we trick the Praetors tomorrow," I said to Valerius. "Using that fake Malice you gave him."
But Valerius only shook his head. "I'd have tricked the Praetors myself if I thought it'd work. I'm told there is a scent to magic, no? So subtle that few people in Rome might ever detect when it's near, but Decimas Brutus has dedicated his life to obtaining the Malice, as his fathers have since the time of Julius Caesar. He will know the Malice is fake, because it will have no scent to it."
"Then what can I do?" I asked. Night was closing in, but no answers had come with it. The frustration within me had swelled so much that if I'd had the bulla, I'd have accidentally exploded something by now. The bulla was safer with Callistus, though I could only hope he still had it.
Valerius sighed. "After three hundred years, the Praetors know the bulla has been discovered, which means they've become obsessed with unlocking the Malice. I've tried talking to the Praetors, to convince them to leave you alone, but they're not listening anymore."
"You started this," I said. "You had Horatio killed, thinking you would get the key."
"If I had not done that, Horatio would have given the key to Radulf, and Rome would be in ashes by now."
My eyes fluttered as I looked away. That much was true. Someone had to stop Horatio.
Crispus added, "We never expected Horatio to announce that he had given you the key instead. But when he did, the Praetors realized they didn't need my father, and didn't even need Radulf. All they need is to control you."
My heart was pounding, but still I asked, "Where is the door to the Mistress's tomb?"
"You must not open it," Valerius said. Which was not an answer to my question. Whenever he was hiding something from me, his right eye twitched, and right now it was quivering like a hummingbird's wings. I was a terrible liar, no doubt, but he was worse.
"I can't run from the Praetors forever," I said. "But if I could retrieve the Malice and destroy it, then I could be free."
"It's too risky." Valerius got to his feet. "For your sake, and for the sake of all of Rome, I won't help you find the door. But I am sorry you have to be part of this war, Nic. I beg you to forgive me for not keeping you out of it."
I shook my head, dismissing his apology. "I'm the one who stole the bulla. No one deserves blame for that but me. And the rest is just the consequences of the choice I made in the cave that day."
Valerius sighed. "Nicolas Calva, there is more nobility in you than in any patrician I've met in a lifetime."
I sat forward. "Then help me win this, sir. Please. Where is the door?"
But Valerius wanted nothing to do with that question. He only clasped his hands and yawned. He didn't even bother pretending it was a real yawn. "It's getting late and I am tired. Crispus, Nic's old room is still available. When he's ready, please take him there."
Crispus stood and nodded. "Yes, Father."
After Valerius had left -- or really, after Valerius escaped having to talk to me any further -- Crispus sat back down. "I don't know where the door is," he said before I could ask. "I'm not even certain that my father knows. He's never admitted that to me."
"You saw the way he acted just now," I said. "He obviously knows more than he's telling."
Crispus nodded, but his face was somber. "The Praetors are going to kill my father. Brutus all but promised that. He said that once they had you, they wouldn't need him anymore."
"Why?" I asked. "I'm a threat to them, and so is Radulf. But not your father."
"He's trying to help you now. He feels he owes you that much, after what happened in the amphitheater, and the Praetors don't like that." Crispus had the ends of his toga bunched in his fist and was twisting the fabric into knots. "My father already asked the Senate to let me apprentice with them until I'm old enough to run for office. He's worried about my future without him here."
"Do you want to be a senator?" I asked. The only two senators I'd ever met were Valerius and Horatio. Horatio was a snake, in my opinion, even if he was Aurelia's father. And Valerius was trying to be a good man, though he wasn't always successful. At least I knew he was loyal to Rome.
"It doesn't matter what I want," Crispus said. "It never does."
I shrugged. "What if you didn't become a senator?" I asked. "What's the worst that could happen?"
Now it was his turn to shrug. "I don't know. I wish I could make plans to leave Rome, as you are doing."
I couldn't understand that. If it weren't so dangerous for me and Livia, we'd never leave this great city. Meanwhile, Crispus could stay here, surrounded by every possible comfort and without any need to worry about where his next meal was coming from. I doubted Livia and I would have that kind of luxury once we left the empire.
"Why would you want to leave?" I asked.
"I want freedom, just as you do." He was looking off in the distance when he said it, then he turned directly to me. "I want to be in control of my own life."