“Still at Rutherhouse.”
Gabe closed his eyes a moment, then spoke more gently. “Does he know what happened there?”
I sat back, sorrow consuming me again. “He knows. He was hiding me out back.”
After he’d absorbed that, Gabe mumbled, “You should’ve stayed with him.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered.”
Gabe looked at me, confused, but when I offered no explanation, he said, “Wherever they’re taking us, when we get there, someone important will meet us, someone with authority to make real decisions. They’ll try to find out everything you’ve learned about the Coracks—”
“Which is very little.”
“—but that will only be a test to see if you’re cooperating. Part of that test will be making you watch whatever they do to me, and it’ll be awful.”
“No!”
Gabe leaned up on one elbow, then grunted and lay back down again. “Listen, if they think your false memories are still intact, then you have a chance to live. So you’ll stand there like a Dallisor and watch it and not flinch in the slightest, because you have to pass their tests or you’ll be next.”
I lowered my eyes. “I’ve already failed. I will be next.”
His face pinched while he tried to shift positions. “What was the test?”
“That doesn’t matter either. But before it happens, I want to try bargaining for you. I can agree to talk to them if they’ll let you go.”
He scoffed. “The Dallisors don’t bargain, they take. Nothing you say will change that. Convince them that you tried to do what they wanted, but we got in your way. The Dominion wants you alive, Kestra. Give them every reason to keep you alive.”
“I don’t know those reasons!”
“If you say that, they’ll send you back to Lord Endrick and he’ll take more than your memories. He will take from you everything but a heartbeat, keeping you just alive enough that another Infidante can never take your place, but ridding you of any chance for a life. It will be worse than death.”
My hands began to shake but I folded them together, hoping to control my rising panic. “I won’t know what to say, and if I do, I won’t say it convincingly enough. I can’t do this.”
Gabe closed his eyes again, for long enough that I thought he’d fallen unconscious. I reached out to prod him awake, but he opened his eyes on his own and said, “There’s one other option, and it’s very risky. In my vest pocket are the dried leaves of a turilla plant.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Never heard of it.”
“I’ve studied a lot about plants—how do you think I knew what to do after you poisoned Simon? And turilla is quite rare. You can’t even find it in Antora. I had to go to Brill for this. Chewing on too much can be toxic, but the right dosage will only make it appear to be so.”
I tilted my head. “So the leaf almost kills you?”
“That’s the idea. It will slow the heartbeat to almost nothing and your body will live off borrowed air until the effects pass, which they do in about fifteen minutes. I experimented for weeks to find the exact amount for my size. I miscalculated a couple of times and Loelle had to bring me back from the brink.” He smiled darkly, and when I frowned back, he continued, “The point is that when this wagon stops, we might have a chance if the Ironhearts believe we’re dead.”
“What if they bury us as soon as we’re found?” My head tilted. “Or if we only have fifteen minutes, they may still be near us when we recover.”
“Like I said, there are risks.”
“If it doesn’t work, we’re right back where we started. We need a different plan.”
Gabe sighed. “Well, I’m sorry that I don’t have a long list for you to choose from. There’s plan A, in which I’m tortured to death and you end up as a pair of vacant eyes inside a body that Lord Endrick will never allow to die. Or plan B, which gives us a slight chance of escaping plan A.”
“Slight?”
“Unless you have a better idea.” Gabe nudged his chin toward his vest. “Can you reach into the pocket there? You’ll need about half a leaf, I need almost a full one.”
“About? If this could kill me, I’d think you’d be more exact.”
He glared at me. “Lord Endrick will do worse than that if you don’t take this leaf. Is that exact enough for you?”